Divine Mercy Diary - Notebook 1 (Page 3 of 3)
Preface | Introduction
Notebook 1 Page 1 | Notebook 1 Page 2 | Notebook 2 Page 1 | Notebook 2 Page 2 | 
Notebook 3 | Notebook 4 | Notebook 5 | Notebook 6

Divine Mercy
In my soul

The Diary
of the Servant of God
Sister M. Faustina Kowalska

Perpetually Professed member
of the
Congregation of Sisters of
Our Lady of Mercy

NOTEBOOK I
Page 3

Once Jesus said to me, My gaze from this image is like My gaze from the Cross."

Once, my confessor (Father Sopocko) asked me where the inscription should be placed, because there was not enough space in the picture for everything. I answered, "I will pray and give you an answer next week." When I left the confessional and was passing before the Blessed Sacrament, I received an inner understanding about the inscription. Jesus reminded me of what He had told me the first time; namely, that these three words must be clearly in evidence: "Jesus, I trust in You." ("Jezu, Unfam Tobie") I understood that Jesus wanted the whole formula to be there, but He gave no direct orders to this effect as He did for these three words.

"I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to the fountain of mercy. That vessel is this image with the signature: 'Jesus, I trust in You."
O purest Love, rule in all You plenitude in my heart and help me to do Your holy will most faithfully!

Towards the end of a three day retreat, I saw myself walking along a rough path. I kept stumbling continually, and I saw following me the figure of a person who kept supporting me. I was not happy with this and asked the person to leave me alone, as I wanted to walk on my own. But the figure, whom I could not recognize, did not leave me for a moment. I got impatient and turned around and pushed the person away from me. At that moment I saw that it was Mother Superior (Irene), and at the same time I saw that it was not Mother Superior, but the Lord Jesus, who looked deeply into me and gave me to understand how painful it was to Him when I did not, even in the smallest things, do my superior's will, "which is My will" (He said). I asked pardon of the Lord and took the warning very much to heart.

Once, the confessor told me to pray for his intention, and I began a novena to the Mother of God. This novena consisted in the prayer, "Hail Holy Queen", recited nine times. Towards the end of the novena I saw the Mother of God with the infant Jesus in Her arms, and I also saw my confessor kneeling at Her feet and talking with Her. I did not understand what he was saying to Her, because I was busy talking with the Infant Jesus, who came down from His Mother's arms and approached me. I could not stop wondering at His beauty. I heard a few of the words that the Mother of God spoke to him (ie. my confessor) but not everything. The words were: "I am not only the Queen of Heaven, but also the Mother of Mercy and your Mother." And at that moment She stretched out her right hand, in which She was clasping her mantle, and She covered the priest with it. At that moment, the vision vanished.

Oh, how great a grace it is to have a spiritual director! One makes more rapid progress in virtue, sees the will of God more clearly, fulfills it more faithfully, and follows a road that is sure and free of dangers. The director knows how to avoid the rocks against which the soul could be shattered. The Lord gave me this grace, to be sure, but I rejoice in it greatly, seeing how God inclines His will to my director's wishes. I will mention just one incident out of a thousand that have happened to me. As I usually do, I asked the Lord Jesus one evening to give me the points for the next day's meditation. I received the answer, "Meditate on the Prophet Jonah and his mission." I thanked the Lord, but began to think within myself of how different that subject was from the others. But with all my soul I strove to meditate about it, and I recognized myself in the person of the prophet, in the sense that often I, too, try to make excuses to the Lord, claiming that someone else would do His holy will better (than I could), and not understanding that God can do all things and that His omnipotence will be all the more manifest if the tool is poorer. God made this clear to me in the following way. That afternoon, there was confession for the community. When I presented to the director of my soul the fear that seized me because of this mission for which God was using me, clumsy tool that I was, my spiritual father answered that, willing or not, we must carry out the will of God, and he gave me the Prophet Jonah as an example. After the confession, I wondered how the confessor knew that God had told me to meditate about Jonah; surely I myself had not told him. Then I heard these words: "When the priest acts in my place, he does not act of himself, but I act through him. His wishes are Mine." I can see how Jesus defends His representatives. He Himself enters into their actions.


Thursday. When I started the Holy Hour, I wanted to immerse myself in the agony of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. Then I heard a voice in my soul: "Meditate on the Mystery of the Incarnation." And suddenly the Infant Jesus appeared before me, radiant with beauty. He told me how much God is pleased with simplicity in a soul. "Although My greatness is beyond understanding, I commune only with those who are little. I demand of you a childlike spirit."

I now see clearly how God acts through the confessor and how faithfully He keeps His promises. Two weeks ago, my confessor told me to reflect upon this spiritual childhood. It was somewhat difficult at first, but my confessor, disregarding my difficulties, told me to continue to reflect upon spiritual childhood. "In practice, this spiritual childhood" (he said), "should manifest itself in this way; a child does not worry about the past or the future, but makes use of the present moment. I want to emphasize that spiritual childlikeness in You Sister, and I place great stress upon it". I can see how God bows down to my confessors wishes. He does not show himself to me at this time as a Teacher in the fullness of His strength and human adulthood, but as a little Child. The God who is beyond all understanding stoops to me under the appearance of a little Child.

But the eye of my soul does not stop at this appearance. Although You take the form of a little Child, I see in You the immortal, infinite Lord of lords, whom pure spirits adore, day and night, and for whom the hearts of the Seraphim burn with fire of purest love. O Christ, O Jesus, I want to surpass them in my love for You! I apologize to you, O pure spirits, for my boldness in comparing myself to you. I, this chasm of misery, this abyss of misery; and You, O God, who are the incomprehensible abyss of mercy, swallow me up as the heat of the sun swallows up a drop of dew! A loving look from You will fill up any abyss. I feel immensely happy at the greatness of God. Seeing God's greatness is more than enough to make me happy throughout all eternity!

Once, when I saw Jesus in the form of a small child, I asked, "Jesus, why do You now take on the form of a child when You commune with me? In spite of this, I still see in You the infinite God, my Lord and Creator. Jesus replied that until I learned simplicity and humility, He would commune with me as a little child.

1934. During Holy Mass, when the Lord Jesus was exposed in the Blessed Sacrament, before Holy Communion I saw two rays coming out from the Blessed Host, just as they are painted in the image, one of them red and the other pale. And they were reflected on each of the sisters and wards, but not all in the same way. On some of them the rays were barely visible. It was the last day of the children's retreat.

November 22, 1934. On one occasion, my spiritual director (Father Sopocko) told me to look carefully into myself and to examine whether I had any attachment to some particular object or creature, or even to myself, or whether I engaged in useless chatter, "for all these things" (he said) "get in the way of the Lord Jesus, who wants complete freedom in directing your soul. God is jealous of our hearts and wants us to love Him alone."

When I started to look deep within myself, I did not find any attachment to anything, but as in all things that concern me, so also in this matter, I was afraid and distrustful of myself. Tired out by this detailed self examination, I went before the Blessed Sacrament and asked Jesus with all my heart, "Jesus, my Spouse, Treasure of my heart, You know that I know You alone and that I have no other love but You; but Jesus, if I were to become attached to anything that is not You, I beg and entreat You, Jesus, by the power of Your mercy, let instant death descend upon me, for I prefer to die a thousand times than to be unfaithful to You in the smallest thing".

At that moment, Jesus suddenly stood before me, coming I know not from where, radiant with unbelievable beauty, clothed in a white garment, with uplifted arms, and He spoke these words to me, "My daughter, your heart is My repose; it is My delight. I find in it everything that is refused Me by so many souls. Tell this to My representative." And an instant later, I saw nothing, but a whole ocean of consolations entered my soul.

I know now that nothing can put a stop to my love for You, Jesus, neither suffering, nor adversity, nor fire nor the sword, nor death itself. I feel stronger than all these things. Nothing can compare with love. I see that the smallest things done by a soul that loves God sincerely have an enormous value in His Holy eyes.

November 5, 1934. One morning, when it was my duty to open the gate to let out our people who delivered baked goods, I entered the little chapel to visit Jesus for a minute and to renew the intentions of the day. Today, Jesus I offer You all my sufferings, mortifications and prayers for the intention of the Holy Father, so that He may approve the Feast of Mercy. But Jesus, I have one more word to say to You; I am very surprised that You bid me to talk about this Feast of Mercy, for they tell me that there is already such a feast and so why should I talk about it? And Jesus said to me, "And who knows anything about this feast? No one! Even those who should be proclaiming My mercy and teaching people about it often do not know about it themselves. That is why I want the image to be solemnly blessed on the First Sunday after Easter, and I want it to be venerated publicly so that every soul may know about it.
"Make a novena for the Holy Father's intention. It should consist of thirty-three acts; that is, repetition that many times of the short prayer - which I have taught you -to the Divine Mercy."


Suffering is the greatest treasure on earth; it purifies the soul. In suffering we learn who our true friend is.

True love is measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little daily crosses, for opposition to my endeavors, for the hardships of communal life, for the misinterpretation of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health and loss of strength, for self- denial, for dying to myself, for lack of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my plans.

Thank You, Jesus, for the interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its bitterness.

I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not to seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness, or bitterness over consolations, but thank You O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You.

O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God Himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.

December 20, 1934. - One evening as I entered my cell, I saw the Lord Jesus exposed in the monstrance under the open sky, as it seemed. At the feet of Jesus I saw my confessor, and behind him a great number of the highest ranking ecclesiastics, clothed in vestments the like of which I had never seen except in this vision; and behind them, groups of religious from various orders; and further still I saw enormous crowds of people, which extended far beyond my vision. I saw the two rays coming out from the Host, as in the image, closely united but not intermingled; and they passed through the hands of my confessor, and then through the hands of the clergy and from their hands to the people, and then they returned to the Host...and at that moment I saw myself once again in the cell which I had just entered.

December 22, 1934. - When it was possible for me to go to confession during the week, I happened to get there when my confessor was saying Holy Mass. During the third part of the Mass I saw the Infant Jesus, a little smaller than usual and with this difference, that He was wearing a violet tunic. He usually has a white one.

December 24, 1934. - The Vigil of Christmas. During the morning Mass, I felt the closeness of God. Though I was hardly aware of it, my spirit was drowned in God. Suddenly I heard these words: "You are My delightful dwelling place; My Spirit rests in you." After these words I felt the Lord looking into the depths of my heart; and seeing my misery, I humbled myself in spirit and admired the immense mercy of God, that the Most High Lord would approach such misery.

During Holy Communion, joy filled my soul. I felt that I am closely united to the Godhead. His omnipotence enveloped my whole being. Throughout the whole day I felt the closeness of God in a special manner; and although my duties prevented me throughout the whole day from going to chapel even for a moment, there was not a moment when I was not united with God. I felt Him within me more distinctly than ever. Unceasingly greeting the Mother of God and entering into Her spirit, I begged Her to teach me true love of God. And then I heard these words: "I will share with you the secret of My happiness this night during Holy Mass."

We had supper before six o'clock. Despite all the joy and the external noise accompanying the sharing of the wafer and the mutual exchange of good wishes. I did not for a moment lose the awareness of God's presence. After supper we hurried away to finish our work, and at nine I was able to go to the chapel for adoration. I was allowed to stay up and wait for the Midnight Mass. I was delighted to have free time from nine until midnight. From nine to ten o'clock I offered my adoration for my parents and my whole family. From ten to eleven, I offered it for the intention of my spiritual director, in the first place thanking God for granting me this great and visible help here on earth, just as He had promised me, and also I asked God to grant him the necessary light so that he could get to know my soul and guide me according to God's good pleasure. And from eleven to twelve I prayed for the Holy Church and the clergy, for sinners, for the missions and for our houses. I offered the indulgences for the souls in Purgatory.


Twelve O'clock, December 25, 1934.
Midnight Mass. As Holy Mass began, I immediately felt a great interior recollection; joy filled my soul. During the offertory, I saw Jesus on the altar, incomparably beautiful. The whole time the Infant kept looking at everyone, stretching out His little hands. During the elevation, the Child was not looking towards the chapel but up the heaven. After the elevation He looked at us again, but just for a short while, because He was broken up and eaten by the priest in the usual manner. His pinafore was now white. The next day I saw the same thing, and on the third day as well. It is difficult for me to express the joy of my soul. The vision was repeated at the three Masses in the same way as in the first ones.

1934: The first Thursday after Christmas. I completely forgot it was Thursday and so did not make my adoration. At nine o'clock I went directly to the dormitory with the other sisters. But strangely enough, I could not fall asleep. It seemed to me that I had not yet done something that I was supposed to do. Mentally, I reviewed all my duties, and could not recollect anything. This lasted until ten o'clock. At ten, I saw the Sorrowful Face of Jesus. Then Jesus spoke these words to me, "I have been waiting to share My sufferings with you, for who can understand My suffering better than My spouse?" I asked pardon of Jesus for my coldness. Ashamed and not daring to look at the Lord Jesus, but with a contrite heart, I asked Him to give me one thorn from His crown. He answered that He would grant me this favor, but not until tomorrow, and immediately the vision disappeared.

In the morning, during meditation, I felt a painful thorn in the left side of my head. The suffering continued all day. I mediated continually about how Jesus had been able to endure the pain of so many thorns which made up His crown. I joined my suffering to the sufferings of Jesus and offered it for sinners. At four o'clock when I came for adoration, I saw one of our wards offending God greatly by sins of impure thoughts. I also saw a certain person who was the cause of her sin. My soul was pierced with fear, and I asked God for the sake of Jesus' pain, to snatch her from this terrible misery.

Jesus answered that He would grant her that favor, not for her sake, but for the sake of my request. Now I understood how much we ought to pray for sinners, and especially for our wards.

Our life is truly apostolic; I cannot imagine a religious living in one of our houses; that is in our Community, and not having an apostolic spirit. Zeal for the salvation of souls should burn in our hearts.

My God, how sweet is it to suffer for You, suffer in the most secret recesses of the heart, in the greatest hiddeness, to burn like a sacrifice noticed by no one, pure as crystal, with no consolation or compassion. My spirit burns in active love. I waste no time in dreaming. I take every moment singly as it comes, for this is within my power. The past does not belong to me; the future is not mine; with all my soul I try to make use of the present moment.

January 4, 1935. The first chapter of Mother Borgia. At the chapter, Mother (Borgia) stressed a life of faith and fidelity in small things. Half way through the chapter, I heard these words: "I desire that you would all have more faith at the present time. How great is My joy at the faithfulness of My spouse in the smallest things." Then I looked at the crucifix and saw that Jesus' head was turned towards the refectory, and His lips were moving.

When I told Mother Superior about it, she answered, "You see, Sister, how Jesus demands that our life be a life of faith."

When Mother left for the chapel and I stayed to set the room in order, I heard these words: "Tell all the sisters that I demand that they live in the spirit of faith towards the superiors at this present time." I begged my confessor to release me from this duty.

As I was talking to a certain person who was to paint the image but, for certain reasons, was not painting it, I heard this voice in my soul: "I want her to be more obedient". I understood that our efforts, no matter how great, are not pleasing to God if they do not bear the seal of obedience; I am speaking about a religious soul. O God, how easy it is to know Your will in the convent! We religious have God's will set clearly before our eyes from morning till night, and in moments of uncertainty we have our superiors through whom God speaks.


1934-1935. New Year's Eve. I was given permission not to go to sleep, but rather pray in the chapel. One of the sisters had asked me to offer an hour of adoration for her. I said yes, and prayed for her for an hour. During the hour, God gave me to understand how very pleasing this soul was to Him.

I offered the second hour of adoration for the conversion of sinners, and I tried especially to offer expiation to God for the insults that were being committed against Him at this present moment. How greatly God is being offended!
I offered the third hour for my spiritual director. I fervently prayed for the light for him in a particular matter.

Finally the clock struck twelve, the last hour of the year. I finished it in the Name of the Holy Trinity, and I also started the first hour of the New Year in the name of the Holy Trinity. I asked each of the Three Persons to bless me and, with great confidence, looked towards the New Year which certainly would not be sparing of suffering.

O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the testament of God's mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus as proof of infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained life eternal and of infinite mercy, dispensed in abundance to us and especially to poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the mercy of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit towards us, and especially towards poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the infinite price of mercy which will compensate for all our debts, and especially those of poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fountain of living water which springs from infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fire of purest love which blazes forth from the bosom of the Eternal Father, as from an abyss of infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the medicine for all our infirmities, flowing from infinite mercy, as from a fount, for us and especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the union between God and us through His infinite mercy for us and especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in all the sufferings and adversities of life.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of darkness and of storms within and without.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in life and at the hour of our death.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of adversities and floods of despair.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of falsehood and treason.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the darkness and godlessness which inundate the earth.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the longing and pain in which no one will understand us.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the toil and monotony of everyday life.
O Blessed Host, our only hope amid the ruin of our hopes and endeavors.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the ravages of the enemy and the efforts of hell.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when the burdens are beyond my strength and I find my efforts are fruitless.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when storms toss my heart about and my fearful spirit tends to despair.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my heart is about to tremble and mortal sweat moistens my brow.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when everything conspires against me and black despair creeps into my soul.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my eyes will begin to grow dim to all temporal things and, for the first time, my spirit will behold the unknown worlds.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my tasks will be beyond my strength and adversity will become my daily lot.
O Blessed Host I trust in You when the practice of virtue will appear difficult for me and my nature will grow rebellious.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my hostile blows will be aimed against me.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my toils and efforts will be misjudged by others.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when Your judgments will resound over me; it is then that I will trust in the sea of Your mercy.

Most Holy Trinity, I trust in Your infinite mercy. God is my Father and so I, His child, have every claim to His divine Heart; and the greater the darkness, the more complete our trust should be.

I do not understand how it is possible not to trust in Him who can do all things. With Him, everything; without Him, nothing. He is Lord. He will not allow those who have placed all their trust in Him to be put to shame.


January 10, 1935. - Thursday. In the evening during benediction, such thoughts as these began to distress me: Is not perhaps all this that I am saying about God's great mercy just a lie or an illusion...? And I wanted to think about this for a while, when I heard a strong and clear inner voice saying, "Everything that you say about My goodness is true; language has no adequate _expression to extol My goodness." These words were so filled with power and so clear that I would give my life in declaring they came from God. I can tell this by the profound peace that accompanied them at that time and that still remains with me. This peace gives me such great strength and power that all difficulties, adversities, sufferings, and death itself are as nothing. This light gave me a glimpse of the truth that all my efforts to bring souls to know the mercy of the Lord are very pleasing to God. And from this springs such great joy in my soul that I do not know whether it could be any greater in heaven. Oh, if souls would only be willing to listen, at least a little, to the voice of conscience and the voice - that is, the inspirations - of the Holy Spirit! I say "at least a little", because once we open ourselves to the influence of the Holy Spirit, He himself will fulfill what is lacking in us.

New Year 1935
Jesus likes to intervene in the smallest details of our life, and He often fulfills secret wishes of mine that I sometimes hide from Him, although, although I know that from Him nothing can be hidden.

There is a custom among us of drawing by lot, on New Year's Day, special Patrons for ourselves for the whole year. In the morning during meditation, there arose within me a secret desire that the Eucharistic Jesus be my special Patron for this year also, as in the past. But, hiding this desire from my Beloved, I spoke to Him about everything else but that. When we came to refectory for breakfast, we blessed ourselves and began drawing our patrons. When I approached the holy cards on which the names of the patrons were written, without hesitation I took one, but I didn't read the name immediately as I wanted to mortify myself for a few minutes. Suddenly, I heard a voice in my soul: "I am your patron. Read." I looked at once at the inscription and read, "Patron for the Year 1935 - the Most Blessed Eucharist." My heart leapt with joy, and I slipped quietly away from the sisters and went for a short visit before the Blessed Sacrament, where I poured out my heart. But Jesus sweetly admonished me that I should be at that moment together with the sisters. I went immediately in obedience to the rule.

Holy Trinity, One God, incomprehensible in the greatness of Your mercy for creatures, and especially for poor sinners, You have made known the abyss of Your mercy, incomprehensible and unfathomable (as it is) to any mind, whether of man or angel. Our nothingness and our misery are drowned in Your greatness. O infinite goodness, who can ever praise You sufficiently? Can there be found a soul that understands You in Your love? O Jesus, there are such souls, but they are few.

One day, during the morning meditation, I heard this voice: "I myself am your director; I was, I am, and I will be. And since you asked for visible help, I chose and gave you a director even before you had asked, for My work required this. Know that the faults you commit against him wound My Heart. Be especially on your guard against self-willfulness; even the smallest thing should bear the seal of obedience."
With a crushed and humble heart I begged forgiveness of Jesus for these faults. I also begged pardon of my spiritual director and resolved to do nothing rather than to do many things wrongly.

O good Jesus, thank You for the great grace of making known to me what I am of myself: misery and sin, and nothing more. I can do only one thing of myself, and that is to offend You, O my God, because misery can do no more of itself than offend You, O infinite Goodness!

Once I was asked to pray for a certain soul. I decided at once to make a novena to the Merciful Lord to which I added a mortification; namely, that I would wear chains on both legs through out Holy Mass. I had been doing this already for three days when I went to confession and told my spiritual director that I had undertaken this mortification, presuming permission to do so. I had thought he would not object, but I heard the contrary; that is, that I should do nothing without permission. O my Jesus, so it was willfulness again! But my falls do not discourage me; I know very well that I am misery (itself). Because of the condition of my health I did not receive this permission, and my spiritual director was surprised that I had been allowing myself greater mortifications without his permission. I asked pardon for my self- willfulness, or rather for having presumed permission, and I asked him to change this mortification for another one.

My spiritual director replaced it with an interior mortification; namely, through Holy Mass I was to meditate on why the Lord Jesus had submitted to being baptized. The meditation was no mortification for me, for thinking about God is a delight and not a mortification; but there was a mortification of the will in that I was not doing (simply) what I like, but what I was told to do, and it is in this that interior mortification consists. When I left the confessional and started to recite my penance, I heard these words: "I have granted the grace you asked for on behalf of that soul, but not because of the mortification you chose for yourself. Rather, it was because of your acts of complete obedience to My representative that I granted this grace to that soul for whom you interceded and begged mercy. Know that when you mortify your own self will, then Mine reigns within you."

O my Jesus, be patient with me. I will be more careful in the future. I will rely, not upon myself, but upon Your grace and Your very great goodness to miserable me.


On one occasion, Jesus gave me to know that when I pray for intentions which people are wont to entrust to me, He is always ready to grant His graces, but souls do not always want to accept them: "My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My Heart drinks only of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for graces.
"So I turn to you, you - chosen souls, will you also fail to understand the love of My Heart? Here, too, My Heart finds disappointment; I do not find complete surrender to My love. So many reservations, so much distrust, so much caution. To comfort you, let Me tell you that there are souls living in the world who love Me dearly. I dwell in their hearts with delight. But they are few. In convents too, there are souls that fill My Heart with joy. They bear My features; therefore the Heavenly Father looks upon them with special pleasure. They will be a marvel to Angels and men. Their number is very small. They are a defense for the world before the justice of the Heavenly Father and a means of obtaining mercy for the world. The love and sacrifice of these souls sustain the world in existence. The infidelity of a soul specially chosen by Me wounds My Heart most painfully. Such infidelities are swords which pierce My Heart."

January 29, 1935. This Tuesday morning during meditation, I had an interior vision of the Holy Father saying Mass. After the Pater Noster, he talked to Jesus about that matter which Jesus ordered me to tell him. Although I have not spoken to the Holy Father personally, this matter was taken care of by someone else (Father Sopocko); at this moment, however, I knew by interior knowledge that the Holy Father was considering this matter, which will soon come to pass in accordance with the desires of Jesus.

Before the eight day retreat, I went to my spiritual director and asked him for certain mortifications for the time of the retreat. However, I did not receive permission for everything I asked for, but for some things only. I received permission for one hour of meditation in the Passion of the Lord Jesus and for a certain humiliation. But I was a little dissatisfied at not receiving permission for everything I had asked for I had asked. When we returned home, I dropped into the chapel for a moment, and then I heard this voice in my soul: "There is more merit to one hour of meditation on My sorrowful Passion than there is to a whole year of flagellation that draws blood; the contemplation of My painful wounds is of great profit to you, and it brings Me great joy. I am surprised that you still have not completely renounced your self will, but I rejoice exceedingly that this change will be accomplished during the retreat."

That same day, when I was in church waiting for confession, I saw the same rays issuing from the monstrance and spreading throughout the church. This lasted all through the service. After the Benediction. (the rays shone out) to both sides and returned again to the monstrance. Their appearance was bright and transparent like crystal. I asked Jesus that He deign to light the fire of His love in all souls that were cold. Beneath these rays a heart will grow warm even if it were like a block of ice; even if it were heard as a rock, it will crumble into dust.

J.M.J. Vilnius, February 4, 1935. Eight Day Retreat.
Jesus, King of Mercy, again the time has come when I am alone with You. Therefore I beg You, by all the love with which Your Heart burns, to destroy completely within me my self love and, on the other hand, to enkindle in my heart the fire of Your purest love

In the evening, after the conference, I heard these words, "I am with you. During this retreat, I will strengthen you in peace and in courage so that your strength will not fail in carrying out My designs. Therefore you will cancel out your will absolutely in this retreat and, instead My complete will shall be accomplished in you. Know that it will cost you much, so write these words on a clean sheet of paper; 'From today on, my own will does not exist', and then cross out the page. And on the other side write these words: 'From today on, I do the will of God everywhere, always, and in everything.' Be afraid of nothing; love will give you strength and make the realization of this easy."

In the fundamental meditation about the goal; that is, of choosing love: the soul must love; it has need of loving. The soul must divert the stream of its love, but not into the mud or into the vacuum, but into God. How I rejoice when I reflect on this, for I feel clearly that He himself is in my heart. Just Jesus alone! I love creatures insofar as they help me to become united with God. I love all people because I see the image of God in them.


J.M.J. Vilnius February 4, 1935.
----------------------------------------------------------
FROM TODAY ON, MY OWN WILL DOES NOT EXIST.

The moment I knelt down to cross out my will, as the Lord had bid me to do, I heard this voice in my soul: "From today on, do not fear God's judgment, for you will not be judged."

J.M.J. Vilnius, February 4, 1935.
FROM TODAY ON, I DO THE WILL OF GOD EVERYWHERE, ALWAYS, AND IN EVERYTHING.

J.M.J. Vilnius February 8, 1935.
Particular interior practice; that is, the examination of conscience. Self denial, denial of my own will.
(I). The denial of my reason. Subjecting it to the reason of those who represent God to me here on earth.
(II). The denial of my will. Doing the will of God, which is revealed in the will of those who represent God to me and which is contained in ....... the rule of our order.
(III) The denial of my judgment. Accepting immediately and without reflection, analysis or reasoning all orders given by those who ...... ......... represent God to me.
(IV). The denial of my tongue. I will not give it the least bit of freedom; but in one case only I will give it complete freedom; that is, in ......... proclaiming the glory of God. When I receive Holy Communion, I will ask Jesus to fortify and cleanse my tongue that I may not ...... ......... injure my neighbor with it. That is why I have the greatest respect for the rule which speaks about silence.

My Jesus, I trust that Your grace will help me to carry out these resolutions. Although the above points are contained in the vow of obedience, I want to practice these things in a special way, because this is the essence of the religious life. Merciful Jesus, I beg You fervently to enlighten my mind so that I may come to know You better, You who are the Infinite Being, and that I may get to know myself better, who am nothingness itself.

Concerning Holy Confession. We should derive two kinds of profit from Holy Confession:
(1) We come to confession to be healed;
(2) We come to be educated - like a small child, our soul has constant need of education.

O my Jesus, I understand these words to their very depths, and I know from my own experience that, on its own strength, the soul will not go far; it will exert itself greatly and will do nothing for the glory of God; it will err continually, because our mind is darkened and does not know how to discern its own affairs. I shall pay special attention to two things; firstly, I will choose, in making my confession, that which humiliates me most, even if it be a trifle, but something that costs me much, and for that reason I will tell it; secondly, I will practice contrition, not only during confession, but during every self examination, and I will arouse within myself an act of perfect contrition, especially when I am going to bed. One more word: a soul which sincerely wants to advance in perfection must observe strictly the advice given by the spiritual director. There is as much holiness as there is dependence.

Once as I was talking with my spiritual director, I had an interior vision - quicker than lightening - of his soul in great suffering, in such agony that God touches very few souls with such fire. The suffering arises from this work. There will come a time when this work, which God is demanding so very much, will be as though utterly undone. And then God will act with great power, which will give evidence of its authenticity. It will be a new splendor for the Church, although it has been dormant in it from long ago. That God in infinitely merciful, no one can deny. He desires everyone to know this before He comes again as Judge. He wants souls to come to know Him first as King of Mercy. When this triumph comes, we shall already have entered the new life in which there is no suffering. But before this, your soul (of the spiritual director) will be surfeited with bitterness at the sight of the destruction of your efforts. However, this will only appear to be so, because what God has once decided upon, He does not change. But although this destruction will be such only in outward appearance, the suffering will be real. When will this happen? I do not know. How long will it last? I do not know. But God has promised a great grace especially to you and to all those... "who will proclaim My great mercy. I shall protect them Myself at the hour of death as my own glory. And even if the sins of soul are as dark as night, when the sinner turns to My mercy he gives Me the greatest praise and is the glory of My Passion. When a soul praises My goodness, Satan trembles before it and flees to the very bottom of hell."

During one of the adorations, Jesus promised me that: "With souls that have recourse to My mercy and with those that glorify and proclaim My great mercy to others, I will deal according to My infinite mercy at the hour of their death.

"My Heart is sorrowful", Jesus said, " because even chosen souls do not understand the greatness of My mercy. Their relationship (with Me) is, in certain ways, imbued with mistrust. Oh, how much that wounds my Heart! Remember My Passion, and if you do not believe My words, at least believe My wounds."

I make no movement, no gesture after my own liking, because I am bound by grace; I always consider what is more pleasing to Jesus.


When meditating once on obedience, I heard these words: "In this meditation, the priest is speaking particularly for you. Know that I am borrowing his lips." I tried to listen most attentively to everything and to apply everything to my own heart, as in every meditation. When the priest said that an obedient soul was filled with the power of God...." Yes, when you are obedient I take away your weakness and replace it with My strength. I am very surprised that souls do not want to make that exchange with Me." I said to the Lord, "Jesus, enlighten my heart, or else, I too, will not understand much from these words."

I know that I live, not for myself, but for a great number of souls. I know that graces granted me are not for me alone, but for souls. O Jesus. the abyss of Your mercy has been poured into my soul, which is an abyss of misery itself. Thank You, Jesus, for the graces and the pieces of the Cross which You give me at each moment of my life.

At the beginning of the retreat, I saw, on the ceiling of the chapel, Jesus nailed to the Cross. He was looking at the sisters with great love, but not at all of them. There were three sisters at whom Jesus looked severely, for what reasons I do not know. I only know what a terrible thing it is to meet with such a look, which is the look of a severe Judge. That look was not directed at me, and yet I was paralyzed with terror. I still tremble as I write these words. I did not dare to say so much as a single word to Jesus. My physical strength failed me, and I thought that I would not live to the end of the conference. The next day I saw the same thing again, just as I had seen it the first time, and this time I dared to speak these words: "Jesus, how great is Your mercy!"

On the third day, the gaze of great kindness upon all the sisters, except the three, was again repeated. I gathered up my courage, which drew its force from love of neighbor, and I said to the Lord, "You who are Mercy Itself, as You Yourself told me, I beg You by the power of Your Mercy, to look then with kindness at these three sisters as well. And if this is not in accord with Your Wisdom, I ask You for an exchange; turn to them the kind look meant for my soul, and let Your severe gaze at their souls be turned on me". Jesus then said to me these words, "My daughter, for the sake of your sincere and generous love, I grant them many graces although they are not asking Me for Me for them. But I am doing so because of the promise I made to you." At that moment, He turned a merciful look towards those three sisters as well. My heart leapt with joy to see the goodness of God.

When I stayed for adoration from nine to ten o'clock, four other sisters stayed, too. When I approached the altar and began to meditate on the Passion of the Lord Jesus, a terrible pain immediately filled my soul because of the ingratitude of so many souls living in the world; but particularly painful was the souls chosen by God. There is no notion or comparison (which can describe it). At the sight of this blackest ungratefulness I felt as though my heart was torn open; my strength failed me completely, and I fell on my face, not attempting to hide my loud cries. Each time I thought of God's great mercy and of the ingratitude of souls, pain stabbed at my heart, and I understood how painfully it wounded the sweetest Heart of Jesus. With a burning heart, I renewed my act of self-oblation on behalf of sinners.

With joy and longing I have pressed my lips to the bitterness of the cup which I receive each day at Holy Mass. It is the share which Jesus has allotted to me for each moment, and I will not relinquish it to anyone. I will comfort the most sweet Eucharistic Heart continuously and will play harmonious melodies on the strings of my heart. Suffering is the most harmonious melody of all. I will assiduously search out that which will make Your Heart rejoice today!

The days of my life are not monotonous. When dark clouds cover the sun, like the eagle I will try to brave the billows and make known to others that the sun is not dying out.

I feel that God will let me draw aside the veils (of heaven) so that the earth will not doubt His goodness. God is not subject to eclipse or change. He is forever one and the same; noting can contradict His will. I feel within myself a power greater than human. I feel courage and strength thanks to the grace that dwells in me. I understand souls who are suffering against hope, for I have gone through that fire myself. But God will not give (us anything) beyond our strength. Often have I lived hoping against hope, and have advanced my hope to complete trust in God. Let that which He has ordained from all ages happen to me.

A general principle.
It would be a very ugly thing for a religious to seek relief from suffering.
See what grace and reflection made out of the greatest criminal. He who is dying has much love: "Remember me when You are in paradise". Heartfelt repentance immediately transformed the soul. The spiritual life is to be lived earnestly and sincerely.
Love must be reciprocal. If Jesus tasted the fullness of bitterness for me, then I, His bride, will accept all bitterness as proof of my love for Him.
He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself many graces from God. As often as I look upon the cross, so often will I forgive with all my heart.
Through Holy Baptism, we entered into union with other souls. Death tightens the bonds of love. I ought always to be of help to others. If I am a good religious, I will be useful, not only to the Order, but to the whole Country as well.


The Lord God grants His graces in two ways: by inspiration and by enlightenment. If we ask God for a grace, He will give it to us; but let us be willing to accept it. And in order to accept it, self denial is needed. Love does not consist in words or feelings, but in deeds. It is an act of the will; it is a gift; that is to say a giving. The reason, the will, the heart - these three faculties must be exercised during prayer. I will rise from the dead in Jesus, but first I must live in Him. If I do not separate myself from the Cross, then the gospel will be revealed in me. Jesus in me makes up for all my deficiencies. His grace operates without ceasing. The Holy Trinity grants me Its life abundantly, by the gift of the Holy Spirit. The Three Divine Persons live in me. When God loves, He loves with all His Being, with all the power of His Being. If God has loved me this way, how should I respond - I, His spouse?

During one conference, Jesus said to me, "You are a sweet grape in a chosen cluster; I want others to have a share in the juice that is flowing within you."

During the renewal of the vows, I saw the Lord Jesus on the Epistle side (of the altar), wearing a white garment with a golden belt and holding a terrible sword in His hand. This lasted until the moment when the sisters began to renew their vows. Then I saw a resplendence beyond compare and, in front of this brilliance, a white cloud in the shape of a scale. Then Jesus approached and put the sword on one side of the scale, and it fell heavily towards the ground until it was about to touch it. Just then the sisters finished renewing their vows. Then i saw Angels who took something from each of the sisters and placed it in a golden vessel on the other side of the scale, it immediately out weighed and raised up the side on which the sword had been laid. At that moment, a flame issued forth from the thurible, and it reached all the way to the brilliance. Then I heard a voice coming from the brilliance: "Put the sword back in its place; the sacrifice is greater." Then Jesus gave us His blessing, and all I had seen vanished. The sisters had already begun to receive Holy Communion. When I received Holy Communion, my soul was filled with such great joy that I am unable to describe it.

(February) 15, 1935. A few days' visit at my parents home to see my dying mother.
When I learned that my mother was seriously ill and near death, and that she had asked that I come home, as she wanted to see me once more before dying, a host of emotions were awakened in my heart. As a child who sincerely loves its mother, I wanted very much to fulfill her wish. But I left this to God and resigned myself completely to His will. Paying no heed to the ache in my heart, I followed God's will. On the morning of my name day, February fifteen, Mother Superior gave me a second letter from my family and granted me permission to go to my parents' home to fulfill the wish and request of my dying mother. I began at once to make the necessary preparations for the journey and left Vilnius in the evening. I offered the whole night for my seriously ill mother, that God might grant her the grace of losing none of the merits of her suffering.

My traveling companions were very kind; several women of the Sodality of Mary were in the same compartment with me. I sensed that one of them was suffering greatly and fighting a difficult battle in her soul. I began to pray in spirit for this soul. At eleven o'clock these women went to another compartment for a chat, leaving only the two of us behind in the carriage. I could feel that my prayer was causing this soul's struggle to become even fiercer. I did not console her, but prayed all the more fervently. Finally, the lady turned to me and asked if she was obliged to fulfill a certain promise which she had made to God. At that moment I received inner knowledge of the promise and replied, "You are absolutely obliged to keep it, or else you will be miserable for the rest of your life. This thought will pursue you everywhere and give you no peace." Surprised at my answer, she opened her soul to me.

She was a school teacher. When she was about to take her examinations, she had promised God that if she did well in her examinations she would devote herself to His service; that is, enter a religious congregation. She passed the examinations very well. "But" she said, "when I entered into the hustle and bustle of the world, I no longer wanted to enter a convent. However, my conscience has given me no peace, and despite amusements I am always unhappy."

After a lengthy conversation, she was completely changed and told me that she would immediately take steps to enter a convent. She asked me to pray for her, and I felt that God would be generous with His grace.

That morning I arrived in Warsaw, and at eight o'clock that evening I was already at home. What a joy it was for my parents and for the whole family! It is difficult to describe it. My mother's heath had improved a bit, but the doctor gave no hope of a complete recovery. After greeting each other, we knelt down to thank God for the grace of being able to together once again in this life.

When I saw how my father prayed, I was very much ashamed that, after so many years in the convent, I was not able to pray with such sincerity and fervor. And so I never cease thanking God for such parents.

Oh, how everything had changed beyond recognition during those ten years! The garden had been so small, and now I could not recognize it. My brothers and sisters had still been children, and now they were all grown up. I was surprised that I did not find them as they had been when we parted. Stanley accompanied me to church every day. I felt that he was very pleasing to God.

On the last day, when everyone had left the church, I went before the Blessed Sacrament with him, and together we recited the Te Deum. After a moment of silence, I offered his soul to the Sweetest Heart of Jesus. How easy it was to pray in that little church! I remembered all the graces that I had received there, and which I had not understood at the time and had so often abused. I wondered how I could have been so blind. And as I was thus regretting my blindness, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, radiant with unspeakable beauty, and He said to me with kindness, "My chosen one, I will give you even greater graces that you may be the witness of My infinite mercy throughout all eternity."


The days at home passed in much company, as everybody wanted to see me and talk with me. Often I could count as many as twenty- five people there. They listened with great interest to my accounts of the lives of the Saints. It seemed to me that our house was truly the house of God, as each evening we talked about nothing but God. When, tired from these talks and yearning for solitude and silence, I quietly slipped out into the garden in the evening so I could converse with God alone, even in this I was unsuccessful; immediately my brothers and sisters came and took me into the house and, once again, I had to talk, with all those eyes fixed on me. But I struck on one way of getting some respite; I asked my brothers to sing for me; in as much as they had lovely voices; and besides, one played the violin and another, the mandolin. And during this time I was able to devote myself to interior prayer without shunning their company.

What also cost me a lot was that I had to kiss the children. The women I knew came with their children and asked me to take them in my arms, at least for a moment, and kiss them. They regarded this as a great favor, and for me it was a chance to practice virtue, since many of the children were quite dirty. But in order to overcome my feelings and show no repugnance, I would kiss such a dirty child twice. One of these friends came with a child whose eyes were diseased and filled with pus, and she said to me, "Sister, take it in your arms for a moment please". My nature recoiled, but not paying attention to anything, I took the child and kissed it twice, right on the infection, asking God to heal it.

I had many opportunities to practice virtue. I listened to people pour out their grievances, and I saw that no heart was joyful, because no heart truly loved God; and this did not surprise me at all. I was very sorry not to have seen two of my sisters. I felt interiorly that their souls were in great danger. Pain gripped my heart at the thought of them. Once, when I felt very close to God, I fervently asked the Lord to grant them grace, and the Lord answered me, "I am granting them not only necessary graces, but special graces as well". I understood that the Lord would call them to a greater union with Him. I rejoice immensely that such great love reigns in our family.

As I was taking leave of my parents and asking them for their blessing, I felt the power of the grace of God being poured out upon my soul. My father, my mother and my godmother blessed me with tears in their eyes, wished me the greatest faithfulness to God's graces, and begged me never to forget how many graces God's graces, and begged me never to forget how many graces God had granted me in calling to the religious life. They asked me to pray for them. Although everyone was crying, I did not shed a single tear; I tried to be brave and comforted them as best I could, reminding them of heaven where there would be no more parting. Stanley walked me to the car. I told him how much God loves pure souls and assured him God was satisfied with him. When I was telling him about the goodness of God and how He thinks of us, he burst out crying like a little child, and I was not surprised, for this was a pure soul and, as such, more capable of recognizing God.

Once I was in the car, I let my heart have its way, and I too cried like a baby, for joy that God was granting our family so many graces, and I became steeped in a prayer of thanksgiving.

By evening I was already in Warsaw. Firstly, I greeted the Lord of the house (Jesus in the Eucharist), and then I went to greet the whole community.

When I entered the chapel to say good night to the Lord before retiring, and apologized for having talked so little to Him when I was at home, I heard a voice within my soul, "I am very pleased that you had not been talking with Me, but were making My goodness known to souls and rousing them to love Me."

Mother Superior (Mary Joseph) said to me, "We are both going to Jozefinek tomorrow Sister, and you will have a chance to talk with Mother General (Michael)". I was delighted. Mother General was ever the same, full of goodness, peace and the Spirit of God. I had a long talk with her. We attended the afternoon service. The Litany of the Sacred Heart of Jesus was sung. The Lord Jesus was exposed in the monstrance.

After a short while, I saw the little Jesus, who came out from the Host and rested in my hands. This lasted for a moment; immense joy flooded my soul. The Child Jesus had the same appearance as He had the time we entered the Chapel with Mother Superior - my former Directress, Mary Joseph. The next day I was already back in my beloved Vilnius.

Oh, how happy I felt to be back in our convent for the second time. I took unending delight in the silence and peace in which the soul can so easily immerse itself in God, helped by everyone and disturbed by no one.


The Great Lent
When I become immersed in the Lord's Passion, I often see the Lord Jesus, during adoration, in this manner: after the scourging, the torturers took the Lord and stripped Him of His own garment, which had already adhered to the wounds; as they took it off, His wounds reopened; then they threw a dirty and tattered scarlet cloak over the fresh wounds of the Lord. The cloak in some places, barely reached His knees. They made Him sit on a piece of beam. And they wove a crown of thorns, which they put on His sacred head. They put a reed in His hand and made fun of Him, bowing to Him as to a king. Some spat in His face, while others took the reed and struck Him on the head with it. Others caused him pain by slapping Him; still others covered His face and struck Him with their fists. Jesus bore all this with meekness. Who can comprehend Him - comprehend His suffering? Jesus' eyes were downcast. I sensed what was happening in the Most Sweet Heart of Jesus at that time. Let every soul reflect on what Jesus was suffering at that moment. They tried to outdo each other in insulting the Lord. I reflected: Where does such malice in man come from? It is caused by sin. Love and sin have met.

When I was attending Mass in a certain church with another sister, I felt the greatness and majesty of God; I felt the church was permeated by God. His majesty enveloped me and, though it terrifies me, it filled me with peace and joy. I knew that nothing could oppose His will. Oh, if only all souls knew who is living in our churches, there would not be so many outrages and so much disrespect in these holy places!

O eternal and incomprehensible Love, I beg You for one grace; enlighten my mind with light from on high; help me to know and appreciate all things according to their value. I feel the greatest joy in my soul when I come to know the truth.

March 21, 1935, Often during Mass, I see the Lord in my soul; I feel His presence which pervades my being. I sense His divine gaze; I have long talks with Him without saying a word; I know what His divine Heart desires, and I always do what will please Him the most. I love Him to distraction, and I feel that I am being loved by God. At those times when I meet with God deep within myself, I feel so happy that I do not know how to express it. Such moments are short, for the soul could not bear it for long, as separation from the body would be inevitable. Though these moments are very short, their power, however, which is transmitted to the soul, remains with it for a very long time. Without the least effort, I experience the profound recollection which then envelops me - and it does not diminish even if I talk with people, nor does it interfere with the performance of my duties. I feel the constant presence of God without any effort of my soul. I know that I am united with Him as closely as a drop of water is united with the bottomless ocean.

Last Thursday, towards the end of my prayers, I felt this grace, and it lasted for an unusually long time, for it was throughout Mass, so that I thought I would die of joy. At such times, my knowledge of God and His attributes becomes more acute, and also I know my own self and my misery much better. I am amazed at the Lord's great condescension to such a miserable soul as mine. After Holy Mass, I felt completely immersed in God and am still conscious of His every glance into the depth of my heart. About midday I entered the chapel for a moment and again the power of grace struck my heart. As I continued in a state of recollection, Satan took a flowerpot and angrily hurled it to the ground with all his might. I saw all his rage and his jealousy.

There was no one in the chapel, so I got up, picked up the pieces of the flowerpot, repotted the flower and tried to do all this before anyone came in. But I did not manage to do so, as Mother Superior (Borgia) came in at that moment together with the sister sacristan and several other sisters. Mother Superior was surprised that I had been touching something on the altar and thus caused the flowerpot to fall. Sister sacristan showed her displeasure, and I did my best not to explain or excuse myself. But towards evening I felt very exhausted and could not make my Holy Hour, so I asked Mother Superior to allow me to go to bed early. I fell a sleep as soon as I lay down, but at about eleven o'clock Satan shook my bed. I awoke instantly, and I started to pray peacefully to my Guardian Angel. Then I saw the souls who were doing penance in purgatory. They appeared like shadows, and among them I saw many demons. One of these tried to vex me; taking the form of a cat, he kept throwing himself onto my bed and on my feet, and he was quite heavy, as if (weighing) a ton.

I kept praying the rosary all the while, and toward dawn these things vanished, and I was able to get some sleep. When I entered the chapel in the morning I heard a voice in my soul, "You are united to Me; fear nothing. But know, my child, that Satan hates you; he hates every soul, but he burns with a particular hatred for you, because you have snatched so many souls from his dominion."

Holy Thursday, April 18.
This morning I heard these words: "From today until the (celebration of the) Resurrection, you will not feel My presence, but your soul will be filled with great longing." And immediately a great longing filled my soul; I felt a separation from my beloved Jesus, and when the moment for Holy Communion came, I saw the suffering Face of Jesus in every Host (contained) in the chalice. From that moment, I felt a more intense yearning in my heart.

On Good Friday, at three o'clock in the afternoon, when I entered the chapel, I heard these words: "I desire that the image be publicly honored." Then I saw the Lord Jesus dying on the Cross amidst great suffering, and out of the Heart of Jesus came the same two rays as are in the image.

Saturday. During Vespers I saw the Lord Jesus radiant as the sun, in a bright garment, and He said to me, "May your heart be joyful". And great joy flooded me, and I was penetrated with God's presence, which for the soul is a treasure beyond words.

When the image was displayed. I saw a sudden movement of the hand of Jesus, as He made a large sign of the cross. In the evening of the same day, when I had gone to bed, I saw the image going over the town, and the town was covered with what appeared to be a mesh and nets. As Jesus passed, He cut through all the nets and finally made a large sign of the cross and disappeared. I saw myself surrounded by a multitude of malicious figures burning with hatred for me. Various threats came from their lips, but none of them touched me. After a moment, this apparition vanished, but for a long time I could not get to sleep.


(April) 26. On Friday, when I was at Ostra Brama to attend the ceremony during which the image was displayed, I heard a sermon given by my confessor (Father Sopocko). This sermon about Divine Mercy was the first of the things that Jesus had asked for so long ago. When he began to speak about the great mercy of the Lord, the image came alive and the rays pierced the hearts of the people gathered there, but not all to the same degree. Some received more, some less. Great joy filled my soul to see the grace of God.

Then I heard the words, "You are a witness of My mercy. You shall stand before My throne forever as a living witness to My mercy."

When the sermon was over, I did not wait for the end of the service, as I was in a hurry to get back home. When I had taken a few steps, a great multitude of demons blocked my way. They threatened me with terrible tortures, and voices could be heard: "She has snatched away everything we have worked for over so many years!" When I asked them, "Where have you come from in such great numbers?" the wicked forms answered, "Out of human hearts; stop tormenting us!"

Seeing their great hatred for me, I immediately asked my Guardian Angel for help, and at once the bright and radiant figure of my Guardian Angel appeared and said to me, "Do not fear, spouse of my Lord: without His permission these spirits will do you no harm." Immediately the evil spirits vanished, and the faithful Guardian Angel accompanied me, in a visible manner, right to the very house. His look was modest and peaceful, and a flame of fire sparkled from his forehead.

O Jesus, I would like to toil and wear myself out and suffer all my life for that one moment in which I saw Your glory, O Lord, and profit for souls.

Sunday, (April) 28, 1935.
Low Sunday; that is, the Feast of Divine Mercy, the conclusion of the Jubilee of Redemption. When we went to take part in the celebrations, my heart leapt with joy that the two solemnities were so closely united. I asked God for mercy on the souls of sinners. Toward the end of the service, when the Priest took the Blessed Sacrament to bless the people, I saw the Lord Jesus as He is represented in the image. The Lord gave His blessing, and the rays extended over the whole world. Suddenly, I saw an impenetrable brightness in the form of a crystal dwelling place, woven together from the waves of a brilliance unapproachable to both creatures and spirits. Three doors led to this resplendence. At that moment, Jesus, as He is represented in the image, entered this resplendence through the second door to the Unity within. It is a triple Unity, which is incomprehensible - which is infinity. I heard a voice, "This Feast emerged from the depths of My mercy, and it is confirmed in the vast depths of My tender mercies. Every soul believing and trusting in My mercy will obtain it." I was overjoyed at the immense goodness and greatness of my God.

April 29, 1935. On the eve of the exposition of the image, I went with our Mother Superior to visit our confessor (Father Sopocko). When the conversation touched upon the image, the confessor asked for one of the sisters to help make some wreaths. Mother Superior replied, "Sister Faustina will help". I was delighted at this, and when we returned home, I immediately set about preparing some greens, and with the help of one of our wards brought them over. Another person, who works at the church also helped. Everything was ready by seven o'clock that evening, and the image was already hanging in its place. However, some ladies saw me standing around there, for I was more a bother than a help, and on the next day they asked the sisters what this beautiful image was and what was its significance. Surely these sisters would know, (they thought) as one of them had helped adorn it the day before. The sisters were very surprised as they knew nothing about it; they all wanted to see it and immediately they began to suspect me. They said, "Sister Faustina must certainly know all about it".

When they began asking me, I was silent, since I could not tell the truth. My silence increased their curiosity, and I was even more on my guard not to tell a lie and not to tell the truth, since I had no permission (to do so). Then they started to show their displeasure and reproached me openly saying, "How is it that outsiders know about this and we, nothing?" Various judgments were being made about me. I suffered much for three days, but a special power took over in my soul. I was happy to suffer for God and for the souls that have been granted divine mercy these days, I regard as nothing even the greatest suffering and toil, even if they were to continue till the end of the world; for they will come to an end, while these souls have been saved from torment that are without end. It was a great joy for me to see others returning to the source of happiness, the bosom of The Divine Mercy.

Seeing Father Sopocko's sacrifice and efforts for this work, I admired his patience and humility. This all cost a great deal, not only in terms of toil and various troubles, but also of money; and Father Sopocko was taking care of all the expenses. I can see that Divine Providence had prepared him to carry out this work of mercy before I had asked God for this. Oh, how strange are Your ways, O God! And how happy are the souls that follow the call of divine grace!

Praise the Lord, my soul, for everything, and glorify His mercy, for His goodness is without end. Everything will pass, but His mercy is without limit or end. And although evil will attain its measure, in mercy there is no measure.

O my God, even in the punishments You send down upon the earth I see the abyss of Your mercy, for by punishing us here on earth You free us from eternal punishment. Rejoice, all you creatures, for you are closer to God in His infinite mercy than a baby to its mother's heart. O God, You are compassion itself for the greatest sinners who sincerely repent. The greater the sinner, the greater the right to God's mercy.


A Certain Moment, May 12, 1935
In the evening, I just about got into bed, and I fell asleep quickly, I was awakened even more quickly. A little child came and woke me up. The child seemed about a year old, and I was surprised it could speak so well, as children of that age either do not speak or speak very indistinctly. The child was beautiful beyond words and resembled the Child Jesus, and he said to me, "Look at the sky." " And when I looked at the sky I saw the stars and the moon shining. Then the child asked me, "Do you see this moon and these stars?" When I said yes, he spoke these words to me, "These stars are the souls of faithful Christians, and the moon is the souls of religious. Do you see how great the difference is between the light of the moon and the light of the stars? Such is the difference in heaven between to soul of a faithful Christian," And he went on to say, "True greatness is in loving God and in humility."

Then I saw a soul which was being separated from its body amid great torment. O Jesus, as I am about to write this, I tremble at the sight of the horrible things that bear witness against him... I saw the souls of little children and those of older ones, about nine years of age, emerging from some kind of a muddy abyss. The souls were foul and disgusting, resembling the most terrible monsters and decaying corpses. But the corpses were living and gave loud testimony against the dying soul. And the soul I saw dying was a soul full of the world's applause and honors, the end of which are emptiness and sin. Finally a woman came out who was holding something like tears in her apron, and she witnessed very strongly against him.

O terrible hour, at which one is obliged to see all one's deeds in their nakedness and misery; not one of them is lost, they will all accompany us to God's judgment. I can find no words or comparisons to express such terrible things. And although it seems to me that this soul is not damned, nevertheless its torments are in no way different from the torments of hell; there is only this difference: that they will some day come to an end.

A moment later, I again saw the child who had awakened me. It was of wondrous beauty and repeated these words to me, "True greatness of the soul is in loving God and in humility." I asked the child, "How do you know that true greatness of the soul is in loving God and in humility? Only theologians know about such things and you haven't even learned the catechism. So how do know?" To this he answered, "I know; I know all things." And with that, He disappeared.

But I could no longer get to sleep; my mind became exhausted by thinking about the things I had seen. O human souls, how late you learn the truth! O abyss of God's mercy, pour yourself out as quickly as possible over the whole world, according to what You yourself have said.

May, 1935. A Certain Moment.
When I became aware of God's great plans for me, I was frightened at their greatness and felt myself quite incapable of fulfilling them, and I began to avoid interior conversations with Him, filling up the time with vocal prayer. I did this out of humility, but I soon recognized that it was not true humility, but rather a great temptation from the devil. When on one occasion, instead of interior prayer, I took up a book of spiritual reading, I heard these words spoken distinctly and forcefully within my soul, "You will prepare the world for My final coming." These words moved me deeply, and although I pretended not to hear them, I understood them very well and had no doubt about them. Once being tired out from this battle of love with God, and making constant excuses on the grounds that I was unable to carry out this task, I wanted to leave the chapel, but some force held me back and I found myself powerless. Then I heard these words, "You intend to leave the chapel, but you shall not get away from Me, for I am everywhere. You cannot do anything of yourself, but with Me you can do all things."

When in the course of the week, I went to see my confessor (Father Sopocko), and revealed the condition of my soul to him, especially the fact that I was avoiding interior conversation with God, I was told that I must not shrink from interior conversation with God, but should listen intently to the words He speaks to me.

I followed my confessor's advice, and at the first meeting with the Lord, I fell at Jesus' feet and, with a grief stricken heart, apologized for everything. Then Jesus lifted me up from the ground and sat me beside Him and let me put my head on His breast, so that I could better understand and feel the desires of His most sweet Heart. Then He spoke these words to me, "My daughter, have fear of nothing; I am always with you. All your adversaries will harm you only to the degree that I permit them to do so. You are my dwelling place and my constant repose. For your sake I will withhold the hand which punishes; for your sake I will bless the earth."

At that very moment, I felt some kind of fire in my heart. I feel my senses deadening and have no idea of what is going on around me. I feel the Lord's gaze piercing me through and through. I am very much aware of His greatness and my misery. An extraordinary suffering pervades my soul, together with a joy I cannot compare to anything. I feel powerless in the embrace of God. I feel that I am in Him and that I am dissolved in Him like a drop of water in the ocean. I cannot express what takes place within me; after such interior prayer, I feel strength and power to practice the most difficult virtues. I feel dislike for all things that the world holds in esteem. With all my soul I desire silence and solitude.


May, 1935. During Forty Hours' Devotion I saw the face of the Lord Jesus in the Sacred Host which was exposed in the monstrance. Jesus was looking with kindness at everyone.

I often see the Child Jesus during Holy Mass. He is extremely beautiful. He appears to be about one year old. Once, when I saw the same Child during Mass in our chapel, I was seized with a violent desire and an irresistible longing to approach the altar and take the Child Jesus. At that moment, the Child Jesus was standing by me on the side of my kneeler, and He leaned with His two little hands against my shoulder, gracious and joyful, His look deep and penetrating. But when the priest broke the Host, Jesus was once again on the altar, and was broken and consumed by the priest.

After Holy Communion, I saw Jesus in the same way in my heart and felt Him physically in my heart throughout the day. Unconsciously, a most profound recollection took possession of me, and I did not exchange a word with anyone. I avoided people as much as I could, always answering questions regarding my duties, but beyond that, not a word.

June 9, 1935. Pentecost.
As I was walking in the garden in the evening, I heard these words: "By your entreaties, you and your companions shall obtain mercy for yourselves and for the world." I understood that I will not remain in the Congregation in which I am at the present time. I saw clearly that God's will regarding me was otherwise. But I kept making excuses before God, telling Him that I was unable to carry out this task. "Jesus, You know very well what I am" (I said), and I started enumerating my weaknesses to the Lord, hiding behind them so that He would agree that I was unable to carry out His plans. Then I heard these words: "Do not fear; I myself will make up for everything that is lacking in you." But these words penetrated me to my depths and made me even more aware of my misery, and I understood that the word of the Lord is living and that it penetrates to the very depths. I understood that God demands a more perfect way of life for me. However, I kept using my incompetence as an excuse.

June 29, 1935. When I talked to my spiritual director (Father Sopocko) about various things that the Lord was asking of me, I thought he would tell me that I was incapable of accomplishing all those things, and that the Lord Jesus did not use miserable souls like me for the works He wanted done. But I heard words (to the effect) that it was just such souls that God chooses most frequently to carry out His plans. This priest is surely guided by the Spirit of God; he has penetrated the secrets of my soul, the deepest secrets which were between me and God, about which I had not yet spoken to him, because I had not understood them myself, and the Lord had not clearly ordered me to tell him. The secret is this: God demands that there be a Congregation which will proclaim the mercy of God to the world and, by its prayers, obtain it for the world. When the priest asked me if I had not had any such inspirations, I replied that I had not had any clear orders; but at that instant a light penetrated my soul, and I understood that the Lord was speaking through him.

In vain had I defended myself by saying I had not received any clear orders, for at the end of our conversation I saw the Lord Jesus on the threshold, as He is represented in the image, and He said to me, "I desire that there be such a Congregation". This lasted only a moment. Yet I did not tell him about it right away, as I was in a hurry to get back home, and I kept repeating to the Lord, "I am unable to carry out Your plans O Lord!" But, strangely enough, Jesus paid no attention to my appeals, but gave me to see and understand how pleasing this work was to Him. He took no account of my weakness, but gave me to know how many difficulties I must overcome. And I, His poor creature, could say nothing but "I am incapable of it O my God!"

June 30, 1935. At the very beginning of Holy Mass on the following day, I saw Jesus in all His unspeakable beauty. He said to me that He desired that "such a Congregation be founded as soon as possible, and you shall live in it together with your companions. My Spirit shall be the rule of your life. Your life is to be modeled on Mine, from the crib to My death on the Cross. Penetrate My mysteries, and you will know the abyss of My mercy towards creatures and My unfathomable goodness - and this you shall make known to the world. Through your prayers, you shall mediate between heaven and earth."

Then came the moment to receive Holy Communion, and Jesus disappeared, and I saw a great brightness. Then I heard these words: "We give Our blessing," and at that moment a bright ray issued from that light and pierced my heart; and extraordinary fire was enkindled in my soul - I thought I would die of joy and happiness. I felt the separation of my spirit from my body. I felt totally immersed in God, I felt I was snatched up by the Almighty, like a particle of dust, into unknown expanses.

Trembling with joy in the embrace of the Creator, I felt He Himself was supporting me so that I could bear this great happiness and gaze of His Majesty. I know now, that, if He himself had not first strengthened me by His grace, my soul would not have been able to bear the happiness and I would have died in an instant. Holy Mass came to an end I know not when, for it was beyond my power to pay attention to what was going on in the chapel. But when I recovered my senses, I felt the strength and courage to do God's will; nothing seemed difficult to me; and whereas I had previously been making excuses to the Lord, I now felt the Lord's courage and strength within me, and I said to the Lord, "I am ready for every beck and call of Your will!" Interiorly, I had gone through everything that I was going to experience in the future.

O my Creator and Lord, my entire being is Yours! Dispose of me according to Your divine pleasure and according to Your eternal plans and Your unfathomable mercy. May every soul know how good the Lord is; may no soul fear to commune intimately with the Lord; may no soul use unworthiness as an excuse, and may it never postpone ( accepting) God's invitations, for that is not pleasing to the Lord. There is no soul more wretched that I am, as I truly know myself, and I am astounded that divine Majesty stoops so low. O eternity, it seems to me that you are too short to extol (adequately) the infinite mercy of the Lord!


Once, the image was being exhibited over the altar during the Corpus Christi procession (June 20, 1935). When the priest exposed the Blessed Sacrament, and the choir began to sing, the rays from the image pierced the Sacred Host and spread out all over the world. Then I heard these words: "These rays of mercy will pass through you, just as they have passed through this Host, and they will go out through all the world." At these words, profound joy invaded my soul.

Once when my confessor (Father Sopocko) was saying Mass, I saw, as usual, the Child Jesus on the altar, from the time of the Offertory. However, a moment before the Elevation, the priest vanished from my sight, and Jesus alone remained. When the moment of the Elevation approached, Jesus took the Host and the Chalice in His little hands and raised them together looking up to heaven, and a moment later I saw again my confessor. I asked the Child Jesus where the priest had been during the time I had not seen him. Jesus answered, "In My Heart." But I could not understand anything more of these words of Jesus.

On one occasion I heard these words, I desire that You live according to My will, in the most secret depths of your soul." I reflected on these words, which spoke very much to my heart. This was on the day of confessions for the community. When I went to confession and had accused myself of my sins, the priest (Father Sopocko) repeated to me the same words that the Lord had previously spoken.

The priest spoke these profound words to me, "There are three degrees in the accomplishment of God's will; in the first, the soul carries out all rules and statutes pertaining to external observance; in the second degree, the soul accepts interior inspirations and carries them out faithfully; in the third degree, the soul abandoned to the will of God, allows Him to dispose of it freely, and God does with it as He pleases, and it is a docile tool in His hands". And the priest said that I was at the second degree in the accomplishment of God's will and that I had not yet reached the third degree, but that I should strive to attain it. These words pierced my soul. I see clearly that God often gives the priest knowledge of what is going on in the depths of my soul. This does not surprise me at all; indeed, I thank God that He has such chosen persons.

Thursday, Nocturnal Adoration.
When I came for adoration, an inner recollection took hold of me immediately, and I saw the Lord Jesus tied to a pillar, stripped of His clothes, and the scourging began immediately. I saw four men who took it in turns at striking the Lord with scourges. My heart almost stopped at the sight of these tortures. The Lord said to me, "I suffer even greater pain than that which you see". And Jesus gave me to know for what sins He subjected himself to the scourging: these are sins of impurity. Oh, how dreadful was Jesus' moral suffering during the scourging! Then Jesus said to me, "Look and see the human race in its present condition." In an instant, I saw horrible things: the executioners left Jesus, and other people started scourging Him; they seized the scourges and struck the Lord mercilessly. These were priests, religious men and women, and high dignitaries of the Church, which surprised me greatly. There were lay people of all ages and walks of life. All vented their malice on the innocent Jesus. Seeing this, my heart fell as if into a mortal agony. And while the executioners had been scourging Him, Jesus had been silent and looking into the distance, but when those other souls I mentioned scourged Him, Jesus closed His eyes, and a soft, but most painful moan escaped from His Heart. And Jesus gave me to know in detail the gravity of the malice of these ungrateful souls: "You see, this is a torture greater than My death." Then my lips too fell silent, and I began to experience the agony of death, and I felt that no one would comfort me or snatch me from that state but the One who had put me into it. Then the Lord said to me, "I see the sincere pain in your heart which brought great solace to My Heart. See and take comfort."

Then I saw the Lord Jesus nailed to the Cross. When He had hung on it for a while, I saw a multitude of souls crucified like Him. Then I saw a second multitude of souls, and a third. The second multitude were not nailed to (their) crosses, but were holding them firmly in their hands. The third were neither nailed to (their) crosses nor holding them firmly in their hands, but were dragging (their) crosses behind them and were discontent. Jesus then said to me, "Do you see these souls? Those who are like Me in the pain and contempt they suffer will be like Me also in glory. And those who resemble Me less in pain and contempt will also bear less resemblance to Me in glory."

Among the crucified souls, the most numerous were those of the clergy. I also saw some crucified souls whom I knew, and this gave me great joy. Then Jesus said to me, "In your meditation tomorrow, you shall think about what you have seen today." And immediately Jesus disappeared on me.

Friday. I was ill and could not attend Holy Mass. At seven o'clock in the morning I saw my confessor celebrating Holy Mass, during which I saw the Child Jesus. Toward the end of Mass, the vision disappeared, and I found myself back in my cell as before. Indescribable joy took hold of me because, although I could not go to Mass in our own chapel, I had assisted at it in a church which was far distant. Jesus had a remedy for everything.


July 30, 1935. Feast of St. Ignatius. I prayed fervently to this Saint, reproaching him for looking on and not coming to my aid in such important matters as doing the will of God. I said to him, "You, our Patron, who were inflamed with the fire of love and zeal for the greater glory of God, I humbly beg you to help me carry out God's designs." This was during Holy Mass. Then I saw Saint Ignatius at the left side of the altar, with a large book in his hand. And he spoke these words to me, "My daughter, I am not indifferent to your cause. This rule can be adapted and it can be adapted to this Congregation". And gesturing with his hand towards the big book, he disappeared. I rejoiced greatly at the fact of how closely we are united with them. Oh, the goodness of God! How beautiful is the spiritual world, that already here on earth we commune with the saints! All day long, I could feel the presence of this dear Patron Saint.

August 5, 1935. The Feast of Our Lady of Mercy. I prepared for this feast with greater zeal than in previous years. On the morning of the feast itself, I experienced an inner struggle at the thought that I must leave this Congregation which enjoys such special protection from Mary. This struggle lasted through the meditation and through the first Mass as well. During the second Mass, I turned to Our Holy Mother, telling Her that it was difficult for me to separate myself from this Congregation...."which is under Your special protection, O Mary." Then I saw the Blessed Virgin, unspeakably beautiful. She came down from the altar to my kneeler, held me close to herself and said to me, "I am Mother to you all, thanks to the unfathomable mercy of God. Most pleasing to Me is that soul which faithfully carries out the will of God." She gave me to understand that I had faithfully fulfilled the will of God and had thus far found favor in His eyes. "Be courageous. Do not fear apparent obstacles, but fix your gaze upon the Passion of My Son, and in this way you will be victorious."

Nocturnal Adoration. I was suffering very much, and it seemed to me I would not be able to make my adoration, but I gathered up all my will power and, although I collapsed in my cell, I paid no attention to what ailed me, for I had the Passion of Jesus before my eyes. When I entered the chapel, I received an inner understanding of the great reward that God is preparing for us, not only for our good deeds, but also for our sincere desire to perform them. What a great grace of God this is!

Oh, how sweet it is to toil for God and souls! I want no respite in this battle, but I shall fight to the last breath for the glory of my King and Lord. I shall not lay the sword aside until He calls me before His throne; I fear no blows, because God is my shield. It is the enemy who should fear us, and not we him. Satan defeats only the proud and the cowardly, because the humble are strong. Nothing will confuse or frighten a humble soul. I have directed my flight at the very center of the sun's heat, and nothing can lower its course. Love will not allow itself to be taken prisoner, it is free like a queen. Love attains God.

Once after Holy Communion, I heard these words: "You are Our dwelling place. At that moment, I felt in my soul the presence of the Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I felt that I was the temple of God. I felt that I was a child of the Father. I cannot explain all this, but the spirit understands it well. O infinite Goodness, how low You stoop to Your miserable creature!

If only souls would become more recollected, God would speak to them at once, for dissmipation drowns out the word of the Lord.

On one occasion, the Lord said to me, "Why are you fearful and why do you tremble when you are united to Me? I am displeased when a soul yields to vain terrors. Who will dare to touch you when you are with Me? Most dear to Me is the soul that strongly believes in My goodness and has complete trust in Me. I heap My confidence upon it and give it all it asks."

Once the Lord said to me, "My daughter, take the graces that others spurn; take as many as you can carry". At that moment, my soul was inundated with the love of God. I feel that I am united with the Lord so closely that I cannot find words to express that union; in this state I suddenly feel that all the things that God has, all the goods and treasures, are mine, although I set little store by them, for He alone is enough for me. In Him I see my everything; without Him - nothing.

I look for no happiness beyond my own interior where God dwells. I rejoice that God dwells within me; here I abide with Him unendingly; it is here that my greatest intimacy with Him exists; here I dwell with Him in safety; here is a place not probed by the human eye. The Blessed Virgin encourages me to commune with God this way.

When some suffering afflicts me, it no longer causes me any bitterness, nor do great consolations carry me away. I am filled with the peace and equanimity that flow from the knowledge of the truth.

How can living surrounded by unfriendly hearts do me any harm when I enjoy full happiness within my soul? Or how can having kinds hearts around me help me when I do not have God within me? When God dwells within me, who can harm me?


J.M.J. Vilnius, August 12, 1935. -Three Day Retreat.
On the evening of the introductory day of the retreat, as I listened to the points for the meditation, I heard these words: "During this retreat I will speak to you through the mouth of this priest to strengthen you and assure you of the truth of the words which I address to you in the depths of your soul. Although this is a retreat for all the sisters, I have you especially in mind, as I want to strengthen you and make you fearless in the midst of all the adversities which lie ahead. Therefore, listen intently to his words and meditate upon them in the depths of your soul."

Oh, how astonished I was, for everything the Father said about union with God and the obstacles to this union I had experienced literally in my soul and heard from Jesus, who speaks to me in the depths of my soul. Perfection consists in this close union with God.

During the ten-o'clock meditation, Father (Rzyczkowski) spoke about divine mercy and about God's goodness to us. He said that as we receive the history of mankind, we can see this great goodness of God at every step. All the attributes of God, such as omnipotence and wisdom, serve to reveal to us the greatest of His attributes of God, such as omnipotence and wisdom, serve to reveal to us the greatest of His attributes; namely His goodness. God's goodness is the greatest of God's attributes. Many souls striving for perfection, however, are not aware of this great goodness of God. Everything that Father said in the course of the meditation about the goodness of God, was exactly what Jesus has said to me concerning the Feast of Mercy. I have now come to understand clearly what the Lord has promised me, and I have no doubt about anything; God's language is clear and distinct.

Throughout that entire meditation I saw the Lord Jesus on the altar, in a white garment, His hand holding the note book in which I write these things. Throughout the entire meditation Jesus kept turning the pages of the note book and remained silent; however my heart could not bear the fire that was enkindled in my soul. Despite the great effort of my will to take control of myself and not let others see what is going on in my soul, toward the end of the meditation. I felt that I was completely beyond my own control. Then Jesus said to me, "You have not written everything in the notebook about My goodness towards humankind; I desire that you omit nithing; I desire that your heart be firmly grounded in total peace."

O Jesus, my heart stops beating when I think of all You are doing for me! I am amazed at You, Lord that You would stoop so low to my wretched soul! What inconceivable means You take to convince me!

This is the first time in my life that I have made such a retreat. I understand in a special and clear way every single word Father speaks, for I have first experienced it all in my soul. I now see that Jesus will not leave in doubt any soul that loves Him sincerely. Jesus wants the soul that is in close communion with Him to be filled with peace, despite sufferings and adversities.

Now I understand well that what unites our soul most closely to God is self- denial; that is joining our will to the will of God. This is what makes the soul truly free, contributes to profound recollection of the spirit, and makes all life's burdens light, and death sweet.

Jesus told me that if I should have any doubts regarding the feast or the founding of the congregation, - "or regarding anything else about which I have spoken in the depths of your soul, I will rely immediately through the mouth of this priest."

During a meditation on humility, an old doubt returned; that a soul as miserable as mine could not carry out the task which the Lord was demanding (of me). Just as I was analyzing this doubt, the priest who was conducting the retreat interrupted his train of the thought and spoke about the very thing I was having doubts about; namely that God usually chooses the weakest and simplest souls as tools for His greatest works; that we can see that this is an undeniable truth when we look at the men He chose to be His apostles; or again, when we look at the history of the Church and see what great works were done by souls that were the least capable of accomplishing them; for it is just in this way that God's works are revealed for what they are, the works of God. When my doubt had completely disappeared, the priest resumed his conference on humility.

Jesus was standing, as He usually did during each conference, on the altar and said nothing to me, but with His kindly gaze pierced my poor soul which is no longer had any excuse.

Jesus, my Life, how well I feel that You are transforming me into Yourself, in the secrecy of my soul where the senses can longer perceive much. O my Savior, conceal me completely in the depths of Your Heart and shield me with Your rays against everything that is not You. I beg You, Jesus, let the tow rays that have issued from Your most merciful Heart continuously nourish my soul.

Time of Confession.
My confessor (Father Sopocko) asked me if at that moment Jesus was there and if I could see Him. "Yes, He is here, and I can see Him." He then told me to ask Jesus about certain persons. Jesus did not answer me, but looked at him. However, after the confession when I was reciting my penance, Jesus spoke these words to me: "Go and console him on my behalf." Not understanding the meaning of these words, I immediately repeated to him what Jesus had told me to do.

Throughout the whole retreat, I was in uninterrupted communion with Jesus and entered into an intimate relationship with Him with all the might of my heart.


The day of the renewal of vows. At the beginning of Holy Mass, I saw Jesus in the usual way. He blessed us and then entered the tabernacle. Then I saw the Mother of God in a white garment and blue mantle, with Her head uncovered. She approached me from the altar, touched me with Her hands and covered me with Her mantle, saying, "Offer these vows for Poland.Pray for her." This was on August fifteen.

On the evening of that same day, I felt in my soul a great yearning for God. I do not see Him at the moment with my bodily eyes as I have on other occasions, but I sense His Presence and yet do not grasp Him (with my mind). This causes me great yearning and torment beyond words. I am dying from the desire to possess Him, to be drowned in Him forever. My spirit pursues Him with all its might; there is nothing in the world that could comfort me. O Love Eternal, now I understand in what close intimacy my heart was with You! For who else can satisfy me in heaven or on earth except You, O my God, in Whom my soul is drowned.

One evening, as I looked up from my cell to the sky and saw the beautiful star- strewn firmament and the moon, an inconceivable fire of love for my Creator welled up within my soul and, unable to bear the yearning for Him that arose within my soul, I fell on my face, humbling myself in the dust. I glorified Him for all His works and, when my heart could no longer bear what was going on within it, I wept aloud. Then my Guardian Angel touched me and spoke to me these words: "The Lord orders me to tell you to rise from the ground." I did so immediately, but felt no consolation in my soul. The yearning for God grew even stronger in me.

One day, when I was at adoration and my spirit seemed to be dying for Him, and I could no longer hold back my tears, I saw a spirit of great beauty who spoke these words to me: "Don't cry - says the Lord." After a moment I asked, "Who are you?" He answered me, "I am one of the seven spirits who stand before the throne of God day and night and give Him ceaseless praise." Yet this spirit did not soothe my yearning, but roused me to even greater longing for God. This spirit is very beautiful, and his beauty comes from close union with God. This spirit does not leave me for a single moment, but accompanies me everywhere.

On the following day during Holy Mass, before the Elevation, this spirit began to sing these words: "Holy, Holy. Holy". His voice was like that of a thousand voices; it is impossible to put into words. Suddenly my spirit was united with God, and in that instant I saw the grandeur and the inconceivable holiness of God and, at the same time, I realized the nothingness of myself.

I knew, more distinctly than ever before, the Three Persons, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. But their being, their equality and their majesty are one. My soul is in communion with these Three; but I do not know how to express this in words; yet my soul understands it well. Whoever is united to One of the Three Persons is thereby united to the Whole Blessed Trinity, for this Oneness is indivisible. This vision, or rather this knowledge filled my soul with unimaginable happiness, because God is so great. What I am describing I did not see with my eyes, as on previous occasions, but in a purely interior manner, in a purely spiritual way, independent of the senses. This continued until the end of Holy Mass.

This now happens often to me, and not only in the chapel, but also at work and at times when I least expect it.

When our confessor (Father Sopocko) was way, I confessed to the Archbishop (Romuald Jalbrzykowski). When I revealed my soul to him, I received this reply: " My daughter, arm yourself with great patience; if these things come from God, they will be realized sooner or later. So be completely at peace. I understand you very well in this matter, my daughter. And now, as regards your leaving the Congregation and thinking of another one, do not entertain such thoughts, for this would be a serious interior temptation. " After this confession, I said to the Lord Jesus, "Why do You command me to do such things and yet do not make it possible to accomplish them?" Then I saw the Lord Jesus after Holy Communion in the same little chapel where I had gone to confession, in the same way in which He is represented in the image. The Lord said to me, "Do not be sad. I will give him to understand the things I am asking of you." When we were leaving, the Archbishop was very busy, but he told us to return and wait a bit. When we entered the chapel again, I heard these words in my souls, "Tell him what you have seen in this chapel". At that moment the Archbishop came in and asked if we did not have something to tell him. But although I had been commanded to tell him, I would not do so because I was in the company of one of the sisters.

One more word from the Holy Confession: "To entreat mercy for the world is a great and beautiful idea. Pray much, Sister, pray for mercy upon sinners, but do it in your own convent."


The following day, Friday, September 13, 1935. In the evening, when I was in my cell, I saw an Angel, the executor of divine wrath. he was clothed in a dazzling robe, his face gloriously bright, a cloud beneath his feet. From the cloud, bolts of lightening were springing into his hands; and from his hand they were going forth, and only then were they striking the earth. When I saw this sign of divine wrath which was about to strike the earth, and in particular a certain place, which for good reasons I cannot name, I began to implore the Angel to hold off for a few moments, and the world would do penance. But my plea was a mere nothing in the face of divine anger. Just then I saw the Most Holy Trinity. The greatness of Its majesty pierced me deeply, and I did not dare to repeat my entreaties. At that very moment I felt in my soul the power of Jesus' grace which dwells in my soul. When I became conscious of this grace, I was instantly snatched up before the Throne of God. Oh how great is Our Lord and God and how incomprehensible His holiness! I will make no attempt to this greatness, because before long we shall see Him as He is. I found myself pleading with God for the world with words heard interiorly.

As I was praying in this manner, I saw the Angel's helplessness: he could not carry out the just punishment which was rightly due for sins. Never before had I prayed with such inner power as I did then.

The words with which I entreated God are these: "Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ for our sins and those of the whole world; for the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us."

The next morning, when I entered the chapel, I heard these words interiorly: "Every time you enter the chapel, immediately recite the prayer which I taught you yesterday." When I had said the prayer, in my soul I heard these words: "This prayer will serve to appease My wrath. You will recite it for nine days, on the beads of the rosary, in the following manner: First of all, you will say one OUR FATHER and HAIL MARY and the I BELIEVE IN GOD. Then on the OUR FATHER beads you will say the following words: 'Eternal Father, I offer You the Body Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.'On the HAIL MARY beads you will say the following words: 'For the sake of His sorrowful Passion have mercy on us and on the whole world.' In conclusion, three times you will recite these words: 'Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.'"

Silence is a sword in the spiritual struggle. A talkative soul will never attain sanctity. The sword of silence will cut off everything that would like to cling to the soul. We are sensitive to words and quickly want to answer back, without taking any regard as to whether it is God's will that we should speak. A silent soul is strong; no adversities will harm it if it perseveres in silence. The silent soul is capable of attaining the closet union with God. It lives almost always under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. God works in a silent without hindrance.

O my Jesus, You know, You alone know well that my heart knows no other love but You! All my virginal love is drowned eternally in You, O Jesus! I sense keenly how Your divine Blood is circulating in my heart; I have not the least doubt that Your most pure love has entered my heart with Your most sacred Blood. I am aware that it is I who am living in You, O incomprehensible God! I am aware that You are within me and all about me, that You are in all things that surround me, in all that happens to me. O my God, I have come to know You within my heart, and I have loved You above all things that exist on earth or in heaven. Our hearts have a mutual understanding, and no one of humankind will comprehend this.

My second confession to the Archbishop (Jalbrzkowski). "Know, my daughter, that if this is the will of God, it will take place sooner or later, for God's will must be done. Love God in your heart, have (unfinished thought)...

September 29. The Feast of Saint Michael the Archangel. I have become interiorly united with God. His presence penetrates me to my very depths and fills me with peace, joy and amazement. After such moments of prayer, I am filled with strength and an extraordinary courage to suffer and struggle. Nothing terrifies me, even if the whole world should turn against me. All adversities touch only the surface, but they have no entry to the depths, because God who strengthens me, who fills me, dwells there. All snares of the enemy are crushed at His foot stool. During these moments of union, God sustains me with His might. His might passes on to me and makes me capable of loving Him. A soul never reaches this state by its own efforts. At the beginning of this interior grace, I was filled with fright, and I started to give in to it; but very quickly, the Lord let me know how much this displeases Him. But it is also He Himself, who set my fears at rest.

Almost every feast of the Church gives me deeper knowledge of God and a special grace. This is why I prepare myself for each feast and unite myself closely with the spirit of the Church. What a joy it is to be with the spirit of the Church. What a joy it is to be a faithful child of the Church! oh, how much I love the Holy Church and all those who live in it! I look upon them as living members of Christ, who is their Head. I burn with love with those who love; I suffer with those who suffer. I am consumed with sorrow at the sight of those who are cold and ungrateful; and I then try to have such a love for God that it will make amends for those who do not love Him, those who feed their Savior with ingratitude at its worst.

O my God, I am conscious of my mission in the Holy Church. It is my constant endeavor to plead for mercy for the world. I unite myself closely with Jesus and stand before Him as an atoning sacrifice on behalf of the world. God will refuse me nothing when I entreat Him with the voice of His Son. My sacrifice is nothing in itself, but when I join it to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it becomes all powerful and has the power to appease divine wrath. God loves us in His Son; the painful Passion of the Son of God constantly turns aside the wrath of God.

O God, how I desire that souls come to know You and to see that You have created them because of Your unfathomable love. O my Creator and Lord, I feel that I am going to remove the veil of heaven so that earth will not doubt Your goodness.

Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want to become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice to be known to You alone. O Eternal God an inquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task, here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.


On a certain occasion, I understood how very displeased God is with an act, however commendable, that does not bear the stamp of pure intention. Such deeds incite God to punishment rather than to reward. May such deeds be as few as possible in our lives; indeed, in religious life, there should be none at all.

I accept joy or suffering, praise or humiliation with the same disposition. I remember that one and the other are passing. What does it matter to me what people say about me? I have long ago given up everything that concerns my person. My name is host - or sacrifice, not in words but in deeds, in the emptying of myself and becoming like You on the Cross, O good Jesus, my Master!

Jesus, when You come to me in Holy Communion, You who together with the Father and the Holy Spirit have deigned to dwell in the little heaven of my heart, I try to keep You company throughout the day, I do not leave You alone for even a moment. Although I am in the company of other people or with our wards, my heart is always united to Him. When I am a sleep I offer Him every beat of my heart; when I awaken I immerse myself in Him without saying a word. When I awaken I adore the Holy Trinity for a short while and thank God for having deigned to give me yet another day, that the mystery of the incarnation of His Son may once more be repeated in me, and that once again His sorrowful Passion may unfold before my eyes. I then try to make it easier for Jesus to pass through me to other souls. I go everywhere with Jesus; His presence accompanies me everywhere.

In the suffering of soul and body, I try to keep silence, for then my spirit gains the strength that flows from the Passion of Jesus. I have ever before my eyes His sorrowful Face, abused and disfigured, His divine Heart pierced by our sins and especially by the ingratitude of chosen souls.

Twice I was exhorted to make myself ready for sufferings awaiting me in Warsaw. The first warning was given interiorly by a voice I heard, and the second took place during Holy Mass. Before the elevation, I saw the Lord Jesus on the Cross and He said to me "Prepare yourself for sufferings." I thanked the Lord for the grace of this warning and said to Him, "I am certainly not going to suffer more than You, my Savior." However, I took this to heart and kept strengthening myself through prayer and little sufferings so that I would be able to endure it when the greater ones come.

October 19, 1935 - Trip from Vilnius for an Eight Day Retreat. On Friday evening during the rosary, when I was thinking about tomorrow's journey and about the importance of the matter which I was to present to Father Andrasz, fear seized me at the sight of my misery and incapability, and of the greatness of God's work. Crushed by this suffering, I submitted myself to the will of God. At that moment, I saw Jesus, in a bright garment, near my kneeler. He said, "Why are you afraid to do My will? Will I not help you as I have done thus far? Repeat every one of My demands to those who represent Me on earth, but do only what they tell you to do." At that, a certain strength entered my soul.

The next morning, I saw my Guardian Angel, who accompanied me throughout the journey as far as Warsaw. He disappeared when we entered the convent gate. Just as we were passing the little chapel on the way to greet the superiors, God's presence took hold of me, and the Lord filled me with the fire of His love. At such moments, I always have a better understanding of the greatness of His majesty.

When we took our seats on the train from Warsaw to Cracow, I once saw again my Guardian Angel at my side. He was absorbed in prayer and in contemplating God, and I followed him with my thoughts. When we arrived at the convent entrance, he disappeared.

When I entered the chapel, once again the majesty of God overwhelmed me. I felt that I was immersed in God, totally immersed in Him and penetrated by Him, being aware of how much the Heavenly Father loves us. Oh, what great happiness fills my heart from knowing God and the divine life! It is my desire to share this happiness with all people. I cannot keep this happiness locked in my own heart alone, for His flames burn me and cause my bosom and my entrails to burst asunder. I desire to go throughout the whole world and speak to souls about the great mercy of God. Priests, help me in this; use the strongest words (at your disposal) to proclaim His mercy, for every word falls short of how merciful He really is.


J.M.J. Cracow, October 20, 1935. Eight Day Retreat.
Eternal God, Goodness itself, whose mercy is incomprehensible to every intellect, whether human or angelic, help me, your feeble child, to do Your holy will as You make it known to me. I desire nothing but to fulfill God's desires. Lord, here are my soul and my body, my mind and my will, my heart and all my love. Rule me according to Your eternal plans.

After Holy Communion, my soul was again flooded with God's love. I rejoiced in His greatness. Here I see distinctly His will, which I am to carry out, and at the same time my own weakness and misery; I see how I can do nothing without His help.

Second Day Retreat.
When I was about to go to the parlor to see Father Andrasz, I felt frightened because the secret is binding only in the confessional. This was a groundless fear. One word from Mother Superior set me at ease about it. Meanwhile, when I entered the chapel, I heard these words in my soul: "I want you to be open and simple as a child with My representative just as you are with Me; otherwise I will leave you and will not commune with you".

Truly, God gave me the great grace of complete confidence, and after the conversation, God granted me the grace of deep peace and light concerning these matters.

Jesus, Eternal Light, enlighten my mind, strengthen my will, inflame my heart and be with me as You have promised, for without You I am nothing. You know Jesus, how weak I am. I do not need to tell You this, for You yourself know perfectly well how wretched I am. It is in You that all my strength lies.

Confession Day. From early morning, the turmoil in my soul was more violent than anything I had ever experienced before. Complete abandonment by God; I felt the utter weakness that I was. Thoughts bore upon me: why should I leave this convent where I am loved by the sisters and superiors, where life is so tranquil; (where I am) bound by perpetual vows and carry out my duties without difficulty; why should I listen to the voice of my conscience; why follow an inspiration coming from who knows where; wouldn't it be better to carry on like all the other sisters? Perhaps the Lord's words could be stifled, not taken heed of; maybe God will not demand an account of them on the day of judgment. Where will this inner voice lead me? If I follow it, what tremendous difficulties, tribulations and adversities are in store for me. I fear the future, I am agonizing in the present.

This suffering continued with the same intensity throughout the whole day. When, in the evening, my turn came for confession, I could not make a full confession, even though I had been preparing for a long time. I received absolution and left, not knowing what was going on within me. When I went to bed, the suffering grew even worse; or rather, it changed into a fire which penetrated all the faculties of my soul like lightening, piercing me to the marrow, and to the most secret recesses of my heart. In the midst of this suffering, I was unable to bring myself to so anything. "Your will be done, Lord." At times I could not even think these words. Truly a deadly fear had taken hold of me, and the flames of hell were touching me. Toward morning, silence set in, and my tribulations disappeared in the twinkling of an eye, but I felt so frightfully exhausted that I could not even move. During my conversation with Mother Superior, my strength returned bit by bit, but God alone knows how I felt throughout that whole day.

O Eternal Truth, Word Incarnate, who most faithfully fulfilled Your Father's will, today I am becoming a martyr of Your inspirations, since I cannot carry them out because I have no will of my own, though interiorly I see Your will clearly. I submit in everything to the will of my superiors and my confessor. I will follow Your will insofar as You will permit me to do so through Your representative. O my Jesus, it cannot be helped, but I give priority to the voice of the Church over the voice with which You speak to me.

After Holy Communion. I saw Jesus in the usual way, and He spoke with these words to me: "Lay your head on my shoulder, rest and regain your strength. I am always with you. Tell the friend of My Heart that I use such feeble creatures to carry out My work." After a while my spirit was strengthened with great power. " Tell him that I let him see your weakness during your confession to show him what you are of yourself".
Each battle valiantly fought brings me joy, peace, light, experience and courage for the future; honor and glory to God; and in the end, for me, a reward.


Today is the Feast of Christ the King. (October 27, 1935)
During Holy Mass I prayed fervently that Jesus might become King of all hearts and that divine grace might shine in every soul. Then I saw Jesus as He is depicted in the image, and He said to me, "My daughter, you give Me the greatest glory by faithfully fulfilling My desires."

Oh, how great is Your beauty, Jesus my Spouse! Living Flower enclosing life-giving dew for a thirsting soul! My soul is drowned in You. You alone are the object of my desires and strivings. Unite me as closely as possible to Yourself, to the Father and to the Holy Spirit. Let me live and die in You.

Only love has meaning; it raises up our smallest actions into infinity.

My Jesus, truly I would not know how to live without You -my spirit is welded to Yours. No one can really understand this; one must first live in You in order to recognize You in others.

Cracow. October 25, 1935. Retreat Resolutions.
Not to do anything without permission of my confessor and the consent of my superiors in all things, but especially regarding these inspirations and demands of the Lord.

All my free time I will spend with the Divine Guest within my soul' I will safeguard my interior and exterior silence so that Jesus can rest in my heart.

My sweetest repose will be in serving and obliging the sisters, in forgetting about myself and thinking of how to please the sisters.

I will not offer explanation on my own behalf or seek to vindicate myself when criticized; I will let others judge me as they will.

I have only one trusted Friend in whom I confide everything, and that is Jesus - the Eucharist, and His representative - my confessor.

In the midst of all sufferings, both physical and spiritual, as well as in darkness and desolation, I will remain silent, like a dove, and not complain.

I will empty myself continually at His feet in order to obtain mercy for souls.

All my nothingness is drowned in the sea of Your Mercy. With the confidence of a child, I throw myself into Your arms, O Father of Mercy, to make up for the unbelief of so many souls who are afraid to trust in You. Oh, how very few souls really know You! How ardently I desire that the Feast of Mercy be known by souls! Mercy is the crown of Your works; You provide for all with the love of a most tender mother.


J.M.J. Cracow, October 27, 1935. -Father Andrasz - Spiritual Counsel.
"Do nothing without the consent of the superiors. One must think this matter over thoroughly and pray very much. One must be very careful about these things because in your present situation, Sister, the will of God is certain and clear, for you are in fact bound to this Congregation by vows, and perpetual vows at that; so there should be no doubt. What you are experiencing interiorly, Sister, are only the glimmerings of a project. God can make some alterations, but such things are very rare. Don't be in a hurry, Sister, until you have received more precise knowledge. The works of God proceed slowly, but if they are of Him, you will surely recognize them clearly. If they are not, they will disappear; and you, by being obedient, will not go astray. Speak frankly about everything to your confessor and obey him blindly.

"For the present, Sister, there is nothing more for you to do than accept the suffering until the time when everything will become clear; that is, all things will be resolved. You are well disposed as regards these matters, and so continue in this simplicity and spirit of obedience; this is a good sign. If you continue in this attitude, God will not allow you to fall into error. Still, as much as is possible, keep far away from these things, but if despite that they still come your way, receive them calmly and do not fear anything. You are in the good hands of a very good God. In all that you have told me, I do not see any illusion or anything contrary to faith. These are things which are good if there were a group of souls pleading with God for the world, as we are all in need of prayer. You have a good director; stay with him and be at peace. Be faithful to God's will and carry it out. As to your duties, always do what you are told to do and as you are told to do it, no matter how humiliating or toilsome it might be. Always choose the last place, and then they themselves will say to you, 'Go up higher'. In spirit and in your demeanor, consider yourself the least in the whole house and in the entire Congregation. In everything and at all times, be most faithful to God."

I desire, O my Jesus, to suffer and burn with the flame of Your love in all the circumstances of my life. I am Yours, completely Yours, and I wish to disappear in You, O Jesus, I wish to be lost in Your divine beauty. You pursue me with Your love, O Lord; You penetrate my soul like a ray of the sun and change its darkness into Your light. I feel very vividly that I am living in You as one small spark swallowed up by the incomprehensible fire with which You burn. O inconceivable Trinity! No greater joy is to be found than that of loving God. Already here on earth we can taste the happiness of those in heaven by an intimate union with God, a union that is extraordinary and often quite incomprehensible to us. One can attain this very grace through simple faithfulness of soul.

When a reluctance and a monotony as regards my duties begins to take possession of me, I remind myself that I am in the house of the Lord, where nothing is small and where the glory of the Church and the progress of many a soul depend on this small deed of mine, accomplished in a divinized way. Therefore there is nothing small in a religious congregation.

In the adversities that I experience, I remind myself that the time for doing battle has not yet come to an end. I arm myself with patience, and in this way I defeat my assailant.

In no way do I seek perfection inquisitively, but I probe into the spirit of Jesus and fix my eyes on His deeds as summarized in the Gospel. Even if I live a thousand years, I would not exhaust what is contained there.

When my intentions are not recognized, but rather condemned, I am not too much surprised, for I know that it is only God who scrutinizes my heart. Truth will not die; the wounded heart will regain peace in due time, and my spirit is strengthened through adversities. I do not always listen to what my heart tells me, but I keep asking God for light; and when I feel I have regained my equilibrium, then I say no more.


The day of the renewal of vows. The presence of God flooded my soul. During Holy Mass I saw Jesus, and He said to me. "You are my great joy; your love and your humility make Me leave the heavenly throne and unite Myself with you. Love fills up the abyss that exists between My greatness and your nothingness."

Love is flooding my soul; I am plunged into an ocean of love. I feel that I am swooning and becoming completely lost in Him.

Jesus make my heart like unto Yours, or rather transform it into Your own Heart that I may sense the needs of other hearts, especially those who are sad and suffering. May the rays of mercy rest in my heart.

In the evening, when I was walking in the garden saying my rosary and came to the cemetery, I opened the gate a little and began to pray for a while, and I asked them interiorly, "You are very happy are you not?" Then I heard the words, "We are happy in the measure that we have fulfilled God's will -" and then silence as before. I became introspective and reflected for a long time in how I am fulfilling God's will and how I am profiting from the time that God has given me.

On the evening of that same day, when I had already gone to bed, a certain soul came to me, woke me up by tapping on the night table and asked me to pray for her. I wanted to ask who she was, but I mortified my curiosity and joined this little mortification to my prayer and offered them for her.

Once, when visiting a sick sister who was eighty-four and known for many virtues, I asked her, "Sister, you are surely ready to stand before the Lord, are you not?" She answered, "I have been preparing myself all my life long for this last hour, " and then she added, "Old age does not dispense one from combat."'Before All Soul's Day, I went to the cemetery at dusk. Although it was locked, I managed to open the gate a bit and said, "If you need something, my dear little souls, I will be glad to help you to the extent that the rule permits me." I then heard these words, "Do the will of God; we are happy in the measure that we have fulfilled God's will.

In the evening, these souls came and asked me to pray for them, and I did pray very much for them. In the evening when the procession was returning from the cemetery, I saw a great multitude of souls walking with us into the chapel and praying with us. I prayed a good deal, for I had my superiors' permission to do so.

During the night, a soul I had already seen before visited me. However, it did not ask for prayer, but reproached me, saying that I used to be very haughty and vain..."and now you are interceding for others while you yourself still have certain vices." I answered that I indeed had been vain and haughty, but that I had confessed this and had done penance for my stupidity, and that I trusted in the goodness of my God, and that if I still fell occasionally, this was undelibrate and never premeditated, even in the smallest things. Still, the soul continued to reproach me, saying, "Why are you unwilling to recognize my greatness? Why do you alone not glorify me for my great deeds as all others do?" Then I saw that this was Satan under the assumed appearance of this soul and I said, "Glory is due to God alone; be gone Satan!" And in an instant this soul fell into an abyss, horrible beyond all description. And I said to the wretched soul that I would tell the whole Church about this.

On Saturday we left Cracow and returned to Vilnius. On the way we visited Czestochowa. When I was praying before the miraculous picture, I felt that...... are pleasing ....(Unfinished thought).

END OF NOTEBOOK 1


Notebook 1 Page 1 | Notebook 1 Page 2 | Notebook 2 Page 1 | Notebook 2 Page 2 | 
Notebook 3 | Notebook 4 | Notebook 5 | Notebook 6