St. James Catholic Church - Catawissa, MO.

Divine Mercy
In my soul

The Diary
of the Servant of God
Sister M. Faustina Kowalska

NOTEBOOK V
J.M.J.
The barque of my life sails along
Amid darkness and shadows of night,
And I see no shore;
I am sailing the high seas.

The slightest storm would drown me,
Engulfing my boat in the swirling depths,
If you yourself did not watch over me, O God,
At each instant and moment of my life.

Amid the roaring waves
I sail peacefully, trustingly,
And gaze like a child into the distance without fear,
Because You, O Jesus, are my Light.

Dread and terror is all about me,
But within my soul is peace more profound than the depths of the sea,
For he who is with You, O Lord, will not perish;
Of this Your love assures me, O God.

Though a host of dangers surround me,
None of them do I fear, for I fix my gaze on the starry sky,
And I sail along bravely and merrily,
As becomes a pure heart.

And if the ship of my life sails so peacefully,
This is due to but one thing above all:
You are my helmsman, O God.
This I confess with utmost humility.

J.M.J.
O my God, I love You.
Sister Faustina
Of the Blessed Sacrament.
Cracow, October 20, 1937.

I bow down before You, O Bread of Angels,
With deep faith, hope and love
And from the depths of my soul I worship You,
Though I am but nothingness.

I bow down before You, O hidden God
And love you with all my heart.
The veils of mystery hinder me not at all;
I love You as do Your chosen ones in heaven.

I bow down before You, O Lamb of God
Who take away the sins of my soul,
Whom I receive into my heart each morn,
You who are my saving help.

J.M.J.
Cracow, October 20, 1937. Fifth Notebook

O my God, let everything that is in me praise You, my Lord and Creator; and with every beat of my heart I want to praise Your unfathomable mercy. I want to tell souls of Your goodness and encourage them to trust in Your mercy. That is my mission, which You yourself have entrusted to me, O Lord, in this life and in the life to come.
We are beginning an eight-day retreat today. Jesus, my Master, help me to make these holy retreat exercises with the greatest fervor possible. May Your Spirit guide me, O God, into the most profound depths of knowledge of Yourself, and of my own self as well. For I shall love You only as much as I shall come to know You. And I shall despise myself only as much as I shall come to know my misery. I know, Lord, that You will not refuse me Your help. I desire to come out of this retreat a saint, even though human eyes will not notice this, not even those of the superiors. I abandon myself entirely to the action of Your grace. Let Your will be accomplished entirely in me, O Lord.

First day. Jesus: My daughter, this retreat will be an uninterrupted contemplation. I will bring you into this retreat as into a spiritual banquet. Close to My merciful Heart, you will meditate upon all the graces your heart has received, and a deep peace will accompany your soul. I wan the eyes of your soul to be always fixed on My holy will, since it is in this way that you will peace Me most. No sacrifices can be compared to this. Throughout all the exercises you will remain close to My Heart. You shall not undertake any reforms, because I will dispose of your whole life as I see fit. The priest who will preach the retreat will not speak a single word which will trouble you.

My Jesus, I have already made two meditations, and I recognize, through them, that everything You have said is true. I am experiencing a profound peace, and this peace flows from the witness of my conscience; that is to say, that I am always doing Your will, O Lord.

In the meditation on the goal of man, I understood that this truth is deeply rooted in my soul, and that my deeds are therefore the more perfect. I know why I was created. All creatures taken together cannot take the place, for me, of my Creator. I know that God is my ultimate goal and so, in whatever I undertake, I take God into account.

Oh, how good it is to spend a retreat close to the most sweet heart of my God. I am in the wilderness with my Beloved. No one interrupts my sweet conversation with Him.

Jesus, You yourself have deigned to lay the foundations of my sanctity, as my cooperation has not amounted to much. You have taught me to set no store on the use and choice of created things, because my heart is, of itself, so weak. And this is why I have asked You, O my Master, to take no heed of the pain of my heart, but to cut away whatever might hold me back from the path of love. I did not understand You, Lord, in times of sorrow, when You were effecting Your work in my soul; but today I understand You and rejoice in my freedom of spirit. Jesus himself has seen to it that my heart has not been caught in the snares of any passion. I have come to know well from what dangers He has delivered me, and therefore my gratitude to my God knows no bounds.

Second day. As I was meditating on the sin of the Angels and their immediate punishment, I asked Jesus why the Angels had been punished as soon as they had sinned. I heard a voice: Because of their profound knowledge of God. No person on earth, even though a great saint, has such knowledge of God as an Angel has. Nevertheless, to me who am so miserable, You have shown Your mercy, O God, and this, time and time again. You carry me in the bosom of Your mercy and forgive me every time that I ask Your forgiveness with a contrite heart.

Profound silence engulfs my soul. Not a single cloud hides the sun from me. I lay myself entirely open to its rays, that His love may effect a complete transformation in me. I want to come out of this retreat a saint, and this, in spite of everything; that is to say, in spite of my wretchedness, I want to become a saint, and I trust that God’s mercy can make a saint even out of such misery as I am, because I am utterly in good will. In spite of all my defeats, I want to go on fighting like a holy soul and to comport myself like a holy soul. I will not be discouraged by anything, just as nothing can discourage a soul who is holy. I want to live and die like a holy soul, with my eyes fixed on You, Jesus, stretched out on the Cross, as the model for my actions. I used to look around me for examples and found nothing which sufficed, and I noticed that my state of holiness seemed so falter. But from now on, my eyes are fixed on You, O Christ, who are for me the best of guides. I am confident that You will bless my efforts.

In the mediations on sin, the Lord gave me to know all the malice of sin and the ingratitude that is contained in it. I feel within my soul a great aversion for even the smallest sin. However, the eternal truths I have been meditating on do not bring even a shadow of disturbance or unrest in my soul. And although I take them very much to heart, my contemplation is not thereby interrupted. In this contemplation, it is not transports of the heart that I experience, but a depth of peace and a wonderful silence. Although my love is great, I experience an extraordinary equilibrium. Even receiving the Eucharist causes no feeling, but brings me to a depth of union where my love and God’s love are fused together as one.

Jesus has made known to me that I should pray for the sisters who are making the retreat. During prayer, I learned of the struggle that some are undergoing, and I redoubled my prayers.

In this profound silence, I am better able to judge the condition of my soul. My soul is like clear water in which I can see everything: both my misery and the vastness of God’s graces. And owing to this true knowledge of itself, my spirit is strengthened in deep humility. I expose my heart to the action of Your grace like a crystal exposed to the rays of the sun. May Your image be reflected in it, O my God, to the extent that it is possible to be reflected in the heart of a creature. Let your divinity radiate through me, O You who dwell in my soul.

As I was praying before the Blessed Sacrament and greeting the five wounds of Jesus, at each salutation I felt a torrent of graces gushing into my soul, giving me a foretaste of heaven and absolute confidence in God’s mercy.

As I write these words, I hear the cry of satan: “she’s writing everything, she’s writing everything, and because of this we are losing so much! Do not write about the goodness of God; He is just!” And howling with fury, he vanished.

O merciful God, You do not despise us, but lavish Your graces on us continuously. You make us fit to enter Your Kingdom, and in Your goodness You grant that human beings may fill the places vacated by the ungrateful angels. O God of great mercy, who turned Your Sacred gaze away from the rebellious angels and turned it upon contrite man, praise and glory be to Your unfathomable mercy, O God who do not despise the lowly heart.

My Jesus, despite these graces which You send upon me, I feel that my nature, ennobled though it be, is not completely stilled; and so I keep a constant watch. I must struggle with many faults, knowing well that it is not the struggle which debases one, but cowardice and failure.

When one’s health is poor, there is much one has to bear. For when one is ill, but not in bed, one is not considered to be ill. For many reasons, therefore, there are constant occasions for sacrifices, and sometimes big ones. I understand now that only in eternity will many things be revealed. But I also understand that if God demands a sacrifice, He does not withhold His grace, but gives it to the soul in abundance.

My Jesus, let my sacrifice burn before Your throne in all silence, but with the full force of love, as I beg You to have mercy on souls.

Third day. In the meditation on death, I prepared myself as if for real death. I examined my conscience and searched all my affairs at the approach of death and, thanks be to grace, my affairs were directed toward that ultimate goal. This filled my heart with great gratitude to God, and I resolved to serve my God even more faithfully in the future. One thing alone is necessary: to put my old self to death and to begin a new life. In the morning, I prepared to receive Holy Communion as if it were to be the last in my life, and after Holy Communion I brought before my imagination my actual death, and I said the prayers for the dying and then the ‘De Profundis’ for my own soul. My body was lowered into the grave, and I said to my soul, “see what has become of your body, a heap of dirt teeming with vermin – that is your inheritance.”

O merciful God, who still allow me to live, give me strength that I may live a new life, the life of the spirit, over which death has no dominion. And with that, my heart was renewed, and I began a new life while still here on earth, a life of love of God. Nevertheless, I do not forget that I am weakness itself, though I do not doubt even for a moment that I will obtain the help of Your grace, O God.

Fourth day. O Jesus, I have been feeling extraordinary well, close to Your Heart, during this retreat. Nothing disturbs the depths of my peace. With one eye, I gaze on the abyss of my misery and with the other, on the abyss of Your mercy.

During Holy Mass, which was celebrated by Father Andrasz, I saw the infant Jesus who, with hands outstretched toward us, was sitting in the chalice being used at Holy Mass. After gazing a me penetratingly, He spoke these words: As you see Me in this chalice, so I dwell in your heart.

Holy Confession. After giving an account of my conscience, I was given the permission I asked for: to wear the bracelet for half an hour every day during Holy Mass, and in times of difficulty, to wear the belt for two hours. Father said, “Sister, persevere in this great faithfulness to the Lord Jesus.”

Fifth day. When I entered the chapel this morning, I learned that Mother Superior had had some trouble on my account. This hurt me very much. After Holy Communion, I leaned my head on the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus and said, “O my Lord, I beg You, let all the consolation that I am experiencing through Your presence in my heart be poured out into the soul of my dear Mother superior, who has had some trouble because of me, and this involuntarily on my part.”

Jesus, comforted me, saying that both our souls had benefited from this. But I begged the Lord to deign to spare me from being the occasion of anyone’s suffering, as my heart could not bear this.

O white Host, You preserve my soul in whiteness; I fear the day when I might forsake You. You are the Bread of Angels, and thus also the Bread of Virgins.

Jesus, my most perfect model, with my eyes fixed on You, I will go through life in Your footsteps, adapting nature to grave, according to Your most Holy will and Your light which illumines my soul, trusting completely in Your help.

J.M.J.
Chart of inner control

Particular examine.
Unity with the merciful Christ. Because I am united to Jesus, I must be faithful always and everywhere. And I must be interiorly united with the Lord, while exteriorly observing fidelity to the rule, particularly that of silence.

November Victories – 53 defeats – 2
December Victories – 104 defeats – 0
January Victories - 78 defeats – 1
February Victories – 59 defeats – 1
March Victories – 50 defeats –
April Victories - 61 defeats
May
June
July
August
September
October

When I hesitate on how to act in some situations, I always ask love. It advises best.

General Examine of Conscience
October 25, 1937

Victories

Nov
XI

Dec
XII

Jan
I

Feb
II

Mar
III

Apr
IV

May
V

Jun
VI

Jul
VII

Aug
VIII

Sept
IX

Oct
X

Commandments of God

Vows - poverty

9

Vows - chastity

7

Vows - obedience

27

7

Rules

7

Love of neighbor

38

17

73

35

30

20

Humility

7

39

23

34

56

25

Patience

23

56

50

17

80

50

Silence

11

45

37

28

37

20

Neighbor's good name

15

25

3

1

Holy Mass and Communion

17

12

13

7

10

Meditation

6

5

10

Particular examine

7

5

11

Attitude towards God
and Confessors

5

5

Superiors

7

Sisters and students

4

7

Lay Persons

20

2

Sixth day. O my God, I am ready to accept Your will in every detail, whatever it may be. However You may direct me, I will bless You. Whatever you ask of me I will do with the help of Your grace. Whatever Your holy will regarding me might me be, I accept it with my whole heart and soul, taking no account of what my corrupt nature tells me.

Once, when I was passing by a group of people, I asked the Lord if they were all in the state of grave, because I did not feel His sufferings. Because you do not feel my sufferings, it does not follow that they must all be in the state of grace. At times, I allow you to be aware of the condition of certain souls, and I give you the grace of suffering solely because I use you as the instrument of their conversion.

Where there is genuine virtue, there must be sacrifice as well; one’s whole life much be a sacrifice. It is only by means of sacrifice that souls can become useful. It is my self-sacrifice which, in my relationship with my neighbor, can give glory to God, but God’s love must flow through this sacrifice, because everything is concentrated in this love and takes its value from it.

Bear in mind that when you come out of this retreat, I shall be dealing with you as with a perfect soul. I want to hold you in My hand as a pliant tool, perfectly adapted to the completion of My works.

O Lord, You who penetrate my whole being and the most secret depths of my soul, You see that I desire You alone and long only for the fulfillment of Your holy will, paying no heed to difficulties or sufferings or humiliations or to what others might think.

This firm resolution to become a saint is extremely pleasing to Me. I bless your efforts and will give you opportunities to sanctify yourself. Be watchful that you lost no opportunity that My providence offers you for sanctification. If you do not succeed in taking advantage of an opportunity, do not lose your peace, but humble yourself profoundly before Me and, with great trust, immerse yourself completely in My mercy. In this way, you gain more than you have lost, because more favor is granted to a humble soul than the soul itself asks for it…

Seventh day. I have come to a knowledge of my destiny; that is, an inward certainty that I will attain sanctity. This deep conviction has filled my soul with gratitude to God, and I have given back all the glory to God, because I know very well what I am of myself.

I am coming out of this retreat throughoutly transformed by Gods’ love. My soul is beginning a new life, earnestly and courageously; although outwardly my life will not change, and no one will notice it, nevertheless, pure love is now the guide of my life and, externally, it is mercy which is its fruit. I feel that I have been totally imbued with God and, with this God, I am going back to my everyday life, so drab, tiresome and wearying, trusting that He whom I feel in my heart will change this drabness into my personal sanctity.

In profound silence, close to Your merciful Heart, my soul is maturing during this retreat. In the clear rays of Your love, my soul has lost its tartness and has become a sweet and ripe fruit.

Now I can be wholly useful to the Church by my personal sanctity, which throbs with life in the whole Church, for we all make up one organism in Jesus. That is why I endeavor to make the soil of my heart bear good fruit. Although the human eye may perhaps never see it, there will nevertheless come a day when it will become apparent that many souls have been fed and will continue to be fed with this fruit.

O Eternal Love, who enkindle a new life within me, a life of love and of mercy, support me with Your grace, so that I may worthily answer Your call, so that what You yourself have intended to accomplish in souls through me, might indeed be accomplished.

My God, I see the radiance of eternal dawn. My whole soul bounds toward You, O Lord; nothing any longer holds me back, nothing ties me to earth. Help me, O Lord, to bear the rest of my days with patience. The sacrifice of my love burns incessantly before Your Majesty, but so silently that only Your divine eyes sees it, O God, and no other creature is capable of perceiving it.

O my Lord, although so many things occupy me, although I have this work at heart, although I desire the triumph of the Church and the salvation of souls, although the fall of each soul is painful to me, yet, above and beyond all this, I still have a profound peace in my soul which neither triumphs not desires not adversities can disturb because, for me, You are above all dispensations, my Lord and my God.

Eight day. O my Lord, while calling to mind all Your blessings, in the presence of Your most Sacred Heart, I have felt the need to be particularly grateful for so many graces and blessings from God. I want to plunge myself in thanksgiving before the Majesty of God and to continue in this prayer of thanksgiving for seven days and seven nights; and although I will outwardly carry out all my duties, my spirit will nonetheless stand continually before the Lord, and all my exercises will be imbued with the spirit of thanksgiving. Each evening, I will kneel for half an hour in my cell, alone with the Lord. As often as I shall awake at night, I shall steep myself in a prayer of thanksgiving. In this way I want to repay, at least in some small way, for the immensity of God’s blessings.

However, in order to make all this more pleasing in the eyes of God and to remove the least shadow of doubt from my mind, I went to my spiritual director [Father Andrasz] and revealed these desires of my soul to him; that is to say, the desire to be steeped in such thanksgiving. I received permission for everything, except that I should not force myself to pray at night should I awaken.

With what great joy I returned to the convent! And on the next day I began this great act of thanksgiving by renewing my vows. My soul became throughoutly immersed in God, and there issued from my whole being but one single flame of gratitude and thanksgiving to God. There were not many words, because God’s blessings, like a fierce fire, consumed my soul, and all sufferings and sorrows were like wood thrown into the flames, without which the fire would go out. I called upon all heaven and earth to join me in my act of thanksgiving.

The retreat has come to an end, those beautiful days of communing alone with the Lord Jesus. I made this retreat in the way Jesus wanted me to make it, and as He had told me to on the first day of the retreat; that is, in the deepest peace, I meditated on God’s blessings. I have never made a retreat like this before. My soul was more profoundly strengthened by this peace than it would have been by any tremors or emotions. In the rays of love, I saw everything as it really is.

Coming out of this retreat, I feel thoroughly transformed by God’s love.

O Lord, deify my actions so that they will merit eternity; although my weakness is great, I trust in the power of Your grace, which will sustain me.

My Jesus, You know that from my earliest years I have wanted to become a great saint; that is to say, I have wanted to love You with a love so great that there would be no soul who has hitherto loved You so. At first these desires of mine were kept secret, and only Jesus knew of them. But today I cannot contain them within my heart; I would like to cry out to the whole world, “Love God, because He is good and great is His mercy!”

O humdrum days, filled with darkness, I look upon you with a solemn and festive eye. How great and solemn is the time that gives us the chance to gather merits for eternal heaven! I understand how the saints made use of it.

October 30, 1937. Today, during the religious ceremonies taking place during Mass, and the second day of thanksgiving, I saw the Lord Jesus in great beauty, and He said to me, My daughter, I have not released you from taking action. I answered, “Lord, my hand is too feeble for such work.” Yes, I know; but joined with My right hand you will accomplish everything. Nevertheless, be obedient, be obedient to the confessors. I will give them light on how to direct you. “Lord, I already wanted to begin the work in Your name, but Father S. keeps putting it off.” Jesus answered me, I know this; so do just what is within your power, but you must never withdraw your efforts.

November 30, 1937. After vespers today, there was a procession to the cemetery. I could not go, because I was on duty at the gate. But that did not stop me at all from praying for the souls. As the procession was returning from the cemetery to the chapel, my soul felt the presence of many souls. I understood the great justice of God, how each one had to pay off the debt to the last cent.

The Lord gave me an occasion to practice patience through a particular person with whom I have to carry out a certain task. She is slower than anyone I have ever seen. One has to arm oneself with great patience to listen to her tedious talk.

November 5. This morning, five unemployed men came to the gate and insisted on being let in. when Sister N. had argued with them for quite a while and could not make them go away; she then came to the chapel to find Mother Irene, who told me to go. When I was still a good way from the gate I could hear them banging loudly. At first, I was overcome with doubt and fear, and I did not know whether to open the gate or, like sister N.’ to answer them through the little window. But suddenly I heard a voice in my soul saying, Go and open the gate and talk to them as sweetly as you talk to Me.
I opened the gate at once and approached the most menacing of them and began to speak to them with such sweetness and calm that they did not know what to do with themselves. And they too began to speak gently and said, “Well, its too bad that the convent cant give us work.” And they went away peacefully. I felt clearly that Jesus, whom I had received in Holy Communion just an hour before, had worked in their hearts through me. Oh, how good it is to act under God’s inspiration!

I felt worse today, and I went to Mother superior, intending to ask her for permission to go to bed. However, Mother superior said to me, “Sister, you must somehow manage yourself at the gate, because I am taking the girl to work at the cabbage, since there is no one else for the cabbage.” I said – good, and left the room. When I got to the gate, I felt unusually strong, and I was at my post all day and felt well. I experienced the power of holy obedience.

November 10, 1937. When Mother Irene showed me the booklet with the chaplet, the litany and the novena, I asked her to let me look it over. As I was glancing through it, Jesus gave me to know interiorly: Already there are many souls who have been drawn to My love by this image. My mercy acts in souls through this work. I learned that many souls had experienced God’s grace.

I learned that Mother superior would have quite a heavy cross to bear, together with physical suffering, but that it would not last long.

It occurred to me to take my medicine, not by the spoonful, but just a little at a time, because it was expensive. Instantly I heard a voice, My daughter, I do not like such conduct. Accept with gratitude everything I give you through the superiors, and in this way you will please Me more.

When Sister Dominic died at about one o’clock in the night, she came to me and gave me to know that she was dead. I prayed fervently for her. In the morning, the sisters told me that she was no longer alive, and I replied that I knew, because she had visited me. The sister infirmarian [Sister Chrysostom] asked me to help her dress her. And then when I was alone with her, the Lord gave me to know that she was still suffering in purgatory. I redoubled my prayers for her. However, despite the zeal with which I always pray for our deceased sisters, I got mixed up as regards the days, and instead of offering three days of prayer, as the rule directs for us to do, by mistake I offered only two days. On the fourth day, she gave me to know that I still owed her prayers, and that she was in need of them. I immediately formed the intention of offering the whole day for her, and not just that day but much more, as love of neighbor dictated to me.

Because Sister Dominic, after her death, gave the appearance of looking so well, some sisters said that perhaps she was only in a coma, and one of the sisters suggested to me that we ought to go and put a mirror to her mouth to see if it would mist, because it would if she were alive. I said all right, and we did as we said, but the mirror did not mist, although it seemed to us as if it had. Nevertheless, the Lord gave me to know how much this had displeased Him, and I was severely admonished never to act again against my inner convictions. I humbled myself profoundly before the Lord and asked His pardon.

I see a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko] whom God loves greatly, but whom satan hates terribly because he is leading many souls to a high degree of sanctity and has regard only for God’s glory. But I keep asking God that his patience with those who constantly oppose him might not run out. Where satan himself can do no harm, he uses people.

November 19. After Communion today, Jesus told me how much He desires to come to human hearts. I desire to unite Myself with human souls; My great delight is to united Myself with souls. Know, My daughter, that when I come to a human heart in Holy Communion, My hands are full of all kinds of graces which I want to give to the soul. But souls do not even pay any attention to Me; they leave Me to Myself and busy themselves with other things. Oh, how sad I am that souls do not recognize love! They treat Me as a dead object. I answered Jesus, “O Treasure of my heart, the only object of my love and entire delight of my soul, I want to adore You in my heart as You are adored on the throne of Your eternal glory. My love wants to make up to You at least in part for the coldness of so great a number of souls. Jesus, behold my heart which is for You a dwelling place to which no one else has entry. You alone repose in it as in a beautiful garden.

“O my Jesus, farewell; I must go already to take up my tasks. But I will prove my love for You with sacrifice. Neither neglecting nor letting any chance for practicing it slip by.”

When I left the chapel, Mother superior [Irene] said to me, “You will not go to the catechetical lecture, sister, but will remain on duty.” Very well, Jesus; I thus had, throughout the day, very many opportunities for sacrifice. I omitted none, owing to the strength of spirit I drew from Holy Communion.

There are times in life when a soul is in such a state that it does not seem to understand human speech. Everything tires it, and nothing but ardent prayer will put it at ease. In fervent prayer the soul finds relief and, even if it wanted explanations from creatures, these would only make it more restless.

During one time of prayers, I learned how pleasing to God was the soul of Father Andrasz. He is a true child of God. It is rare that divine sonship shines forth so clearly in a soul, and this because he has a special devotion to the Mother of God.

O my Jesus, although I have such very strong impulsions, I am to act on them slowly, and this only in order not to spoil Your work with my haste. O my Jesus, You give me to know Your mysteries, and You want me to transmit them to other souls. Soon now it will be possible for me to act. At the moment of apparent absolute destruction, my mission, now no longer hindered by anything, will begin. Such is the will of God in this, and it will not change; although many persons will oppose it, nothing will change God’s will.

I see Father Sopocko, how his mind is busily occupied and working in God’s cause in order to present the wishes of God to the officials of the Church. As a result of his efforts, a new light will shine in the Church of God for the consolation of souls. Although for the present his soul is filled with bitterness, as though that were to be the reward for his efforts in the cause of the Lord, this will not however be the case. I see his joy, which nothing will diminish. God will grant him some of this joy already here on earth. I have never before come upon such great faithfulness to God as distinguishes this soul.

During supper in the refectory today, I felt God’s gaze in the depths of my heart. Such a vivid presence pervaded my soul, that, for a while, I had no idea where I was. The sweet presence of God kept filling my soul and, at times, I could not understand what the sisters were saying to me.

All the good that is in me is due to Holy Communion. I owe everything to it. I feel that this holy fire has transformed me completely. Oh, how happy I am to be a dwelling place for You, O Lord! My heart is a temple in which You dwell continually…

J.M.J.
Jesus, delight of my soul, Bread of Angels,
My whole being is plunged in You,
And I live Your divine life as do the elect in heaven,
And the reality of this life will not cease, though I be laid in the grave.

Jesus-Eucharist, Immortal God,
Who dwell in my heart without cease,
When I possess You, death itself can do me no harm.
Love tells me that I will see You at life’s end.

Permeated by Your divine life,
I gaze with assurance at the heavens thrown open for me,
And death will shame-facedly go away, empty-handed,
For Your divine life is contained within my soul.

And although by Your holy will, O Lord,
Death is to touch my body,
I want this dissolution to come as quickly as possible,
For through it I am entering eternal life.

Jesus-Eucharist, life of my soul,
You have raised me up to the eternal spheres,
And this, by Your agony and death midst terrible tortures.

November 1937. Monthly one-day retreat.
In the course of this retreat, the Lord has given me the light to know His will more profoundly and to abandon myself completely to the holy will of God. This light has confirmed me in profound peace, making me understand that I should fear nothing except sin. Whatever God sends me, I accept with complete submission to His holy will. Wherever He puts me, I will try faithfully to do His holy will, as well as His wishes, to the extent of my power to do so, even if the will of God were to be as hard and difficult for me as was the will of the heavenly Father for His Son, as He prayed in the Garden of Olives. I have come to see that if the will of the Heavenly Father was fulfilled in this way in His well beloved Son, it will be fulfilled in us in exactly the same way: by suffering, persecution, abuse, disgrace. It is through all this that my soul becomes like unto Jesus. And the greater the sufferings, the more I see that I am becoming like Jesus. This is the surest way. If some other way were better, Jesus would have shown it to me. Sufferings in no way take away my peace. On the other hands, although I enjoy profound peace, that peace does not lessen my experience of suffering. Although my face is often bowed to the ground, and my tears flow profusely, at the same time my soul is filled with profound peace and happiness…

I want to hide myself in Your most Merciful Heart as a dewdrop does in a flower blossom. Enclose me in this blossom against the frost of the world. No one can conceive the happiness which my heart enjoys in its solitude, alone with God.

Today I heard a voice in my soul: oh, if sinners knew My mercy, they would not perish in such great numbers. Tell sinful souls not to be afraid to approach Me; speak to them of My great mercy.

The Lord said to me, The loss of each soul plunges Me into mortal sadness. You always console Me when you pray for sinners. The prayer most pleasing to Me is prayer for the conversion of sinners. Know, My daughter, that this prayer is always heard and answered.

Advent is approaching. I want to prepare my heart for the coming of the Lord Jesus by silence and recollection of spirit, uniting myself with the Most Holy Mother and faithfully imitating Her virtue of silence, by which She found pleasure in the eyes of God himself. I trust that, by Her side, I will persevere in this resolution.

When I entered the chapel for a moment in the evening, I felt a terrible thorn in my head. This lasted for a short time, but the pricking was so painful that in an instant my head dropped onto the communion rail. It seemed to me that the thorn had thrust itself into my brain. But all this is nothing; it is all for the sake of souls, to obtain God’s mercy for them.

I live from one hour to the next and am not able to get along in any other way. I want to make the best possible use of the present moment, faithfully accomplishing everything that it gives me. In all things, I depend on God with unwavering trust.

Yesterday I received a letter from Father Sopocko. I learned that God’s work is progressing, however slowly. I am very happy about this, and I have redoubled my prayers for this entire work. I have come to learn that, for the present, so far as my participation in the work is concerned, the Lord is asking for prayer and sacrifice. Action on my part could indeed thwart God’s plans, as Father Sopocko wrote in yesterday’s letter. O my Jesus, grant me the grace to be an obedient instrument in Your hands. I have learned from this letter how great is the light which God grants to this priest. This confirms me in the conviction that God will carry out this work through him despite the mounting obstacles. I know well that the greater and the more beautiful the work is, the more terrible will be the storms that rage against it.

God, in his unfathomable decrees, often allows it to be that those who have expended most effort in accomplishing some work do not enjoy its fruit here on earth; God reserves all their joy for eternity. But for all that, God sometimes lets them know how much their efforts please Him. And such moments strengthen them for further struggles and ordeals. These are the souls that bear closest resemblance to the Savior who, in the work which He founded here on earth, tasted nothing but bitterness.

O my Jesus, may You be blessed for everything! I rejoice that Your most Holy will is being accomplished. That is quite enough to make me happy.

Hidden Jesus, in You lies all my strength. From my most tender years, the Lord Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament has attracted me to Himself. Once, when I was seven years old, at a Vesper service, conducted before the Lord Jesus in the Monstrance, the love of God was imparted to me for the first time and filled my little heart; and the Lord give me understanding of divine things. From that day until this, my love for the hidden God has been growing constantly to the point of closest intimacy. All the strength of my soul flows from the Blessed Sacrament. I spend all my free moments in conversation with Him. He is my Master.

November 30, 1937. When I was going upstairs this evening, a strange dislike for everything having to do with God suddenly came over me. At that, I heard satan who said to me, “think no more about this work. God is not as merciful as you say He is. Do not pray for sinners, because they will be damned all the same, and by this work of mercy you expose your own self to damnation. Talk no more about this mercy of God with your confessor and especially not with Father Sopocko and Father Andrasz.” At this point, the voice took the appearance of my Guardian Angel, and that that moment I replied, “I know who you are: the father of lies.” I made the sign of the cross, and the angel vanished with great racket and fury.

Today, the Lord gave me to know interiorly that He would never abandon me. He gave me to know His majesty and His holiness as well as His love and mercy towards me; and he gave me a deeper knowledge of my own wretchedness. However, this great misery of mine does not deprive me of trust. On the contrary, the better I have come to know my own misery, the stronger has become my trust in God’s mercy. I have come to understand how all this depends on the Lord. I know that no one will touch a single hair of my head without His willing it.

When I was receiving Holy Communion today, I noticed in the cup a Living Host, which the priest gave to me. When I returned to my place I asked the Lord, “why was one Host alive, since You are equally alive under each of the species?” the Lord answered me, That is so. I am the same under each of the species, but not every soul receives Me with the same living faith as you do, My daughter, and therefore I cannot act in their souls as I do in yours.

I was present at Holy Mass celebrated by Father Sopocko. During the Mass, I saw the infant Jesus who, touching the priest’s forehead with His finger, said to me, His thought is closely united to Mine, so be at peace about what concerns My work. I will not let him make a mistake, and you should do nothing without his permission. This filled my soul with great peace as regards everything that has to do with this work.

Today the Lord Jesus is giving me an awareness of Himself and of His most tender love and care for me. He is bringing me to understand deeply how everything depends on His will, and how He allows certain difficulties precisely for our merit, so that our fidelity might be clearly manifest. And through this, I have been given strength for suffering and self-denial.

Today, December 7, 1937, is the eve of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Virgin Mary. During the midday meal, in an instant, God gave me to know the greatness of my destiny; that is, His closeness, which for all eternity will not be taken away from me, and He did this in such a vivid and clear fashion that I remained wrapped up in His living presence for a long time, humbling myself before His greatness.

J.M.J.
O Divine Spirit, Spirit of truth and of light,
Dwell ever in my soul by Your divine grace.
My Your breath dissipate the darkness,
And in this light may good deeds be multiplied.

O Divine Spirit, Spirit of love and of mercy,
Who pour the balm of trust into my heart,
Your grace confirms my soul in good,
Giving it the invincible power of constancy.

O Divine Spirit, Spirit of peace and of joy,
You invigorate my thirsting heart
And pour into it the living fountain of God’s love,
Making it intrepid for battle.

O Divine Spirit, my soul’s most welcome guest,
For my part, I want to remain faithful to You;
Both in days of joy and in the agony of suffering,
I want always, O Spirit of God, to live in Your presence.

O Divine Spirit, who pervade my whole being
And give me to know Your divine Threefold Life,
Initiating me into Your divine Essence,
Thus united to You, I will live a life without end.

It is with great zeal that I have prepared for the celebration of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Mother of God. I have made an extra effort to keep recollected in spirit and have meditated on that unique privilege of Our Lady. And thus my heart was completely drowned in Her, thanking God for having accorded this great privilege to Mary.

I prepared not only by means of the novena said in common by the whole community, but I also made a personal effort to salute Her a thousand times each day, saying a thousand “Hail Mary’s” for nine days in Her praise.

This in now the third time I have said such a novena to the Mother of God; that is, a novena made up of a thousand Aves each day. Thus the novena consists in nine thousand salutations. Although I have done this now three times in my life, and two of these while in the course of my duties, I have never failed in carrying out my tasks with the greatest exactitude. I have always said the novena outside the time of my exercises; that is to say, I have not said the Aves during Holy Mass or Benediction. Once, I made the novena while lying ill in the hospital. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Apart from recreation, I have only prayed and worked. I have not said a single unnecessary word during these days. Although I must admit that such a matter requires a good deal of attention and effort, nothing is too much when it comes to honoring the Immaculate Virgin.

The Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Before Holy Communion I saw the Blessed Mother inconceivably beautiful. Smiling at me She said to me, My daughter, at God’s command I am to be, in a special and exclusive way your Mother; but I desire that you too, in a special way, be my child.

I desire, My dearly beloved daughter, that you practice the three virtues that are dearest to Me – and most pleasing to God. The first is humility, humility and once again humility; the second virtue, purity; the third virtue, love of God. As My daughter, you must especially radiate with these virtues. When the conversation ended, She pressed me to Her Heart and disappeared. When I regained the use of my senses, my heart became so wonderfully attracted to these virtues, and I practice them faithfully. They are as though engraved in my heart.

This has been a great day for me. During this day I remained as though in unceasing contemplation; the very thought of this grace drew me into further contemplation; and throughout the whole day I continued in thanksgiving which I never stopped, because each recollection of this grace caused my soul ever anew to lose itself in God…

O my Lord, my soul is the most wretched of all, and yet You stoop to it with such kindness! I see clearly Your greatness and my littleness, and therefore I rejoice that You are so powerful and without limit, and so I rejoice greatly at being so little.

O suffering Christ, I am going to meet You. As Your Bride, I must resemble You. Your cloak of ignominy must cover me too. O Christ, You know how ardently I desire to become like You. Grant that Your entire Passion may be my lot. May all Your sorrow be poured into my heart. I trust that You will complete this in me in the way You deem most fitting.

Today there was nocturnal adoration. I could not take part in it because of my poor health, but before I fell asleep I united myself with the sisters who were at adoration. Between four and five o’clock, I was suddenly awakened, and I heard a voice telling me to join those who were adoring at that time. I understood that there was among them a soul who was praying for me.

When I steeped myself in prayer, I was transported in spirit to the chapel, where I saw the Lord Jesus, exposed in the monstrance. In place of the Monstrance, I saw the glorious face of the Lord, and He said to me, What you see in reality, these souls see through faith. Oh, how pleasing to Me is their great faith! You see, although there appears to be no trace of life in Me, in reality it is present in its fullness in each and every Host. But for Me to be able to act upon a soul, the soul must have faith. O how pleasing to Me is living faith!

Those taking part in adoration at that time were Mother superior and a few other sisters. But I recognized that it was Mother superior’s prayer which had moved heaven, and I rejoiced that there are souls so pleasing to God.

When, during recreation the next day, I asked which sister had been at adoration between four and five o’clock, one of the sisters cried out, “why do you ask, sister? Perhaps you had some revelation?” I fell silent and said no more; although I was asked my Mother superior, I could not answer because it was not a suitable moment.

On a certain occasion, one of the sisters [Sister Damian Ziolek] confided to me that she wanted to choose a certain priest as her confessor. Very pleased, she shared the news with me and asked me to pray for that intention, and so I promised her to do so. During prayer, I learned that that soul would gain no spiritual profit from this direction. And then, the next time we met, she told me again of her great joy in being under his direction.

I joined in the joy, but when she had left I was severely rebuked. Jesus told me to tell her what He had given me to know during prayer, which I did at the first opportunity, although it cost me a great deal.

Today, for a short while, I experienced the pain of the crown of thorns. I was praying for a certain soul before the Blessed Sacrament at the time. In an instant, I felt such a violent pain that my head dropped onto the altar rail. Although this moment was very brief, it was very painful.

Christ, give me souls. Let anything You like to happen to me, but give me souls in return. I want the salvation of souls. I want souls to know Your mercy. I have nothing left for myself, because I have given everything away to souls, with the result that on the day of judgment I will stand before You empty-handed, since I have given everything away to souls. Thus You will have nothing on which to judge me, and we shall meet on that day: Love and mercy…

J.M.J
Hidden Jesus, life of my soul,
Object of my ardent desire,
Nothing will stifle Your love in my heart.
The power of our mutual love assures me of that.

Hidden Jesus, glorious pledge of my resurrection,
All my life is concentrated in You.
It is You, O Host, who empower me to love forever,
And I know that You will love me as Your child in return.

Hidden Jesus, my purest love,
My life with You has begun already here on earth,
And it will become fully manifest in the eternity to come,
Because our mutual love will never change.

Hidden Jesus, sole desire of my soul,
You alone are to me more than the delights of heaven.
My soul searches for You only, who are above all gifts and graces,
You who come to me under the form of bread.

Hidden Jesus, take at last to Yourself my thirsting heart
Which burns for You with the pure fire of the Seraphim.
I go through life in Your footsteps, invincible,
With head held high, like a knight, feeble maid though I be.

For a month now I have been feeling worse. Every time I cough, I feel my lungs disintegrating. It sometimes happens that I feel the complete decay of my own corpse. It is hard to express how great a suffering this is. Although I fully agree to this with my will, it is nevertheless a great suffering for nature, greater than wearing a hairshirt or a flagellation to the point of blood. I have felt it especially when I was going to the refectory. It took great effort for me to eat anything because food made me sick. I also started at this time to suffer from pains in my intestines. All highly seasoned dishes caused me such immense pain that I spent many nights writhing in pain and in tears, for the sake of sinners.

However, I asked my confessor what to do: whether I should continue to suffer this for the sake of sinners or ask the superiors for an exception by way of milder food. He decided that I should ask the superiors for milder food. And thus I followed his directions, seeing that this humiliation was more pleasing to God.

One day, I began to doubt as to how it was possible to feel this continual decaying of the body and at the same time to be able to walk and work. Perhaps this was some kind of an illusion. Yet it cannot be an illusion, because it causes me such terrible pains. As I was thinking about this, one of the sisters came to converse with me. After a minute of two, she made a terrible wry face and said, “Sister, I smell a corpse here, as though it were decaying. O how dreadful it is!” I said to her, “Do not be frightened, sister, that smell of a corpse comes from me.” She was very surprised and said she could not stand it any longer. After she had gone, I understood that God had allowed her to sense this so that I would have no doubt, but that He was no less then miraculously keeping the knowledge of this suffering from the whole community. O my Jesus, only You know the full depth of this sacrifice.

Nevertheless, when in the refectory I still had to bear being the object of the frequent suspicion that I was being fussy [about my food]. At such times, as always, I hasten to the Tabernacle and bow before the ciborium and there draw strength to accept God’s will. That which I have written is not yet everything.

Today during confession, breaking the wafer with me spiritually, he gave me the following wishes: “Be as faithful as you can to the grace of God; secondly, beg God’s mercy for yourself and for the whole world, because we are all in great need of God’s mercy.

Two days before Christmas, these words were read in the refectory: “Tomorrow is the Birth of Jesus Christ according to the flesh.” At these words, my soul was pierced by the light and love of God, and I gained deeper knowledge of the Mystery of the Incarnation of the Son of God. How great is the mercy of God contained in the Mystery of the Incarnation of the Son of God!

Today, the Lord gave me knowledge of His anger toward mankind which deserves to have its days shortened because of its sins. But I learned that the world’s existence is maintained by chosen souls; that is, the religious orders. Woe to the world when there